good girl gone bad.

just like a wavin' flag

2010-03-13T17:49:00.004-05:00

Canada took it upon themselves to Remix “Wavin Flag” a song by K'naan. All in support for everything happening in Haiti. You know it's pretty much Canada's take on “We Are the world”. It features many Canadian artists like Drake, Avril Lavigne, Justin Bieber, Fefe Dobsin, Nelly Furtado and alot more. I'm in love with it.. I really believe they did an amazing job.

five months in :]

2010-03-08T02:00:00.005-05:00

147 / 365 *

148 / 365 *

147 / 365 *

148 / 365 *

149 / 365 *

150 / 365 *

151 / 365 *

i can't believe it cause time has passed by so quickly but i'm already 5 months into 365!

5 MONTHS!!!!

*** ps, my boyfriend is so NOT my biggest fan! *sigh*

chicks get hammmmeereedd !

2010-03-07T21:26:00.004-05:00

+ vodka & coolers mixed.
+ 8PM – 6AM drinking.
+ cheeseburgers.
+ laundry room peeking.
+ drunk driving.
+ pulled over but good to go.
+ sisters cupcakin.
+ non-stop jokes.
+ drunk strangers
+ 5AM mc donalds bathroom runs.
+ free disgusting coffee.
+ piercings.
+ SERIOUS CUPCAKIN!
+ and crashing.

oh & this :]

a quick quick quickie ;)

2010-03-07T14:16:00.004-05:00

Although life is real messy right now and its about to get busy & dramatic! I did take the weekend out to actually have a lot of fun. Ill get to that later in the post. BUT lets just say Monday i'm officially back to work! SEMI-WORK. Actually because I'm on a medical leave it is time off with pay but I just feel so worthless.. like I'm doing NOTHING! Which in my eyes makes me worse lol. I just always have to be doing something or else I'd feel like a bum! But anyways Monday I'm starting to work from home hopefully it goes good. I know it'll be harder but easy at the same time being its from the comfort of my bedroom ahha. Emails & calls is what I'll be doing. Its weird but I actually miss work :/ EKKK! :( it is a good thing that I'm not surrounded by all that negativity right no especially cause we all damn sure know that I don't need no more negative shit in my life!

ANYWAYS!! just thought I'd update the world on the fact that I'm actually about to be doing something instead of sitting on my ass getting fat lol literally! OHHH! And I got a new piercing :) man this weekend was a good one.. but the post with all the pictures + excitement will come... later ;)

I do wanna say thank you so much to LALA for taking the time to sit and talk with me in a moment were I thought I would lose my mind! This girl is simply amazing! I'm glad the fact we have our blog together now is bringing us closer.. because it's got me opening up and seeing a whole different side of an amazing person. Ty babe :)! OHHHH and She's currently doing a “Love Your Body Month” which is completely inspiring and amazing. She has a way to reach you and touch your damn soul! She just an overall amazing person who deserves nothing but the best! ♥ Be sure if you aren't following her to go right ahead and do that ! and also take a look and follow TORONTO, CALIFORNIA ( our baby ) hehe.

http://simplestformofanelle.blogspot.com
http://torontocaliforniaproject.blogspot.com

basically i've fallen apart..

2010-03-04T20:01:00.003-05:00

Recently lifes been throwing me nothing but fire balls. In the past week I experienced one of the worst things someone could ever face... ONCE AGAIN. And I can stand here saying i'm completely tired although I know that wont put it to an end. No matter what I do im in a lose lose. All alone.. like always. I have to somehow find positivity in me.. deep down because i'm gonna need it just to hold on.

But moving on to even worse news. My uncles ( you know the ones thats been in the hospital ) well the doctors let us know that they're giving him 3 months to live. Yes I know that people outlive it by a life time.. months.. weeks.. days. Its just the thought that a doctor put a time limit on his life.. isnt life worth so much more? Im torn apart.

Anyways BRI'S idea to have a banner link to everyone's page is amazing. Yes bri I completed the task and made 3 different ones :) ( there will be more.. trust me ). but for now if you follow.. love or support my blog link this on your blog & direct me to yours so I can add you to my bar :]

toronto, california !

2010-03-02T01:31:00.007-05:00

^ CLIIIIIIICCKKKKK THE IMAGEEEE ^
The amazing LALA! Came to me with a project she had in mind of us doing and I just couldnt refuse. Being that she lives in California and I live in Toronto we started this project that requires us to take 1 image per week and blend them into one diptych! It's an amazing proect and we just kicke dit off today with Week 1! im so ready to get deep in this. So check us out, follow us, comment us, link us, LOVE US! <3

http://torontocaliforniaproject.blogspot.com
http://torontocaliforniaproject.blogspot.com
http://torontocaliforniaproject.blogspot.com
http://torontocaliforniaproject.blogspot.com
http://torontocaliforniaproject.blogspot.com
http://torontocaliforniaproject.blogspot.com
http://torontocaliforniaproject.blogspot.com

at the end of night, i just want us to be alright

2010-02-28T23:29:00.001-05:00

138 / 365 *

pretty much speaks for itself ;)

139 / 365 *

ITTY! my babygirl. she's the sweetest babe around.. trust me

140 / 365 *

stop in the name of loveeeeeee !

141 / 365 *

love !

142 / 365 *

kiara! she made about 30 angels that day.. maybe even more!

143 / 365 *

apple crumble! so deelish.

144 / 365 *

bwahah mouring their ~~fallen~~ eaten soldier :]

beautiful girl with your beautiful smile

2010-02-28T15:51:00.005-05:00

Rules:
1. Open your first photo folder
2. Scroll to the 10th photo
3. Post that photo and the story behind it
4. Tag 5 or more people

This pictures from the other night actually. Because jade is a little terrorist we had to wait for her to fall asleep to go to the park. But I did promise i would take her so around 8PM we finally got a chance to go and although we weren't there for long because it was FREEZING! She had the best time. Like how can you not smile looking at this?

Kiara! My baby aka my MINI ME! This girl has had such a big influence on me and the way I do things. She may be only 6 years old but she's a person who will do whatever it takes to put a smile on your face.. NO MATTER WHAT! Shes way beyond her years. When she was born my sister still lived at home so Kiara was always around me.. always wanting me. The bond we have is completely unbreakable. If only she could understand the effect she has on me and just how much she truly means to me. She brings everything back to me.. the games.. all the fun. I mean yeah playing hide and seek for almost 2 hours can get tiring but seeing the smile on her face makes it all worth it. If only she knew. I love you KIARA!

( i tag anyone who reads this )

weekend recap!!!!!!!!

2010-02-28T08:24:00.004-05:00

This weekend turned out to be pretty drama filled! What else is new? Starting off Thursday me & Steph went to do some grocery shopping and my sister randomly ended up being there! She dropped us home and proceeded to go get the kids from daycare & after school program. Well the first turn she made on the road she ended up running over something metal that punctured her tire and it began smoking and all that. They've been doing a lot of construction on the road and DONT ever clean up how they should. Here she is having to do a run around because its 5:15 by down and both kids have to be picked up by 6! I ended up getting Kiara and she got jade but its just crazy that shit like this ALWAYS and I mean always happens to her. I really don't know if shes jinxed but in ever situation she comes out with the short stick. SMH!

Friday me & Steph were hanging out drinking. The whole night she was hinting that she wanted to go out and the type of person Steph is she wont stop until you cave or until she can see you're irritated! Anyways as the night went on she kept talking to her one friends Courtney ( it was her birthday ) Of course me I wasn't gonna go regardless simply because I don't know Courtney OR her friends. I tend to enjoy avoiding awkward situations. ANYWAYS what I said to her was “you can go if you want.. but I'm not going” She followed that up with “you're my best friend I wouldn't leave you” I bet you can guess that she went right? YUP! I wasn't mad that she went either but I think its pretty fucked up on her whole friend part..especially considering she just said she wouldn't! But karma comes around and she ends up walking in sick as hell. She went and puked all over so she wanted to come back. BWAH! After that the night turned messy so MOVING ON!

Saturday went something like this.. I wanted to go somewhere to have dinner so I was telling my mom that we need to go out especially since we haven't been for the longest while. I wasn't to go to Swiss Chalet which is like a home style rotisserie & grill place. Anyways randomly Steph calls and wants to go to the exact same place and considering my mom & Steph's moms are friends we kinda made it a outing. It was our first time doing something like that and it was real relaxing and nice :) mos def something were planning on doing again. I got the garlic loaf appetizer that I shared with like everyone! I for the first time got the ribs too they were actually REALLY good! Even though I'm not a rib person.. oh and of course I got fries but made them a poutine :] mmmm.. It was real good and way too filling!

nom nom nom !!!

But of course the drama has to come in right? So my older brother has been staying with me because of problems with his girlfriend. The relationship I have with him is weird I mean he kinda lives in his own world. I wont hear from him for months and then randomly talk to him everyday... its weird! But anyways! My brother has always had a problem with my sisters boyfriend which makes no sense but we think its jealously? IDK? And my sisters always had a problem with my brothers girlfriend which makes sense because shes a snakeISH shit talking two faced bitch LOL. ANYWAYS when it comes to family gatherings my brothers girlfriend ALWAYS has to come ( why? We still don't know ) especially since shes always a bitch and annoying. My sisters boyfriend never comes out of respect ( and doesn't want unnecessary drama to pop off ). So regardless it's not fair to my sister or her boyfriend. My sister and brother got in a HUGE argument yesterday because my brother finally came out and admitted that he doesn't like her boyfriend but has no valid reasons in a twist my sister attacked him about his girlfriend and of course it turned ugly. I'm with my sister 100% though on this. His girlfriend has changed him so much ( and pulled him away on purpose.. spiteful bitch ) that he doesn't even know how to defend her because even he knows whatever my sister was saying is right.. he just wont admit to it. Especially since my brothers the type that's right even when hes wrong. AHHHH this is gonna carry on for days :(

i'm leaving msgs & voicemail's telling you i miss you.. baby am i doing too much?

2010-02-26T11:14:00.004-05:00

As bad as it sounds i've always been the girl people hated. More so for what I had and what I always got.. literally if I wanted something I would get it. For example if there was a boy I was feeling i'd get him in a fucking second.. literally. If I want that purse or those shoes .. I got it. Just like that! I never once had to do the whole “chase me dance” with someone. I just knew that once dude knew I was feeling him he'd be weak for me. I'm not tryna sound all cocky or shit but it was just that easy. UNTIL my boyfriend of course. His nonchalant attitude for my looks attracted the hell out of me. I was about to step into a place I never thought I would go and more so never ever would want to buttttt he was something special.. something different. I literally began tryna find anything just to get a response from him. He was one of those one word people you know? The type that you can type a paragraph to in full detail and he'd be like “cool” or “okay”. It irked the shit out of me and I wanted to scream + punch him in the face! Everything in me told me to stop tryna push up on him.. that I just needed to back up BUT I just couldn't. Pretty soon a conversation involving a lot of other people but ending with me & him put me on to a side of him where I knew when I woke up the next morning I wanted to talk to him. I was hooked! Little by little ( well obvious as hell ) I was flirting with him every chance I got. And MANNN he straight up rejected me MANY TIMES! But it took him being in Vegas for 1 week for me to fall head over heels in love with him. I went from the girl who got chased to the one chasing and I loved every second of it. Even though the time I opened up and told him exactly how i'm feeling for him I got straight up rejected and it burned like hell but I had to take it. Cause I mean what if right then at that very moment I told myself I wasn't even gonna bother no more? There would be no us right now! What I'm tryna say from this is don't just accept anything coming your way. Work for the amazing things waiting for you. Cause in the end it'll all be worth it. Just look at me :] i'm shining!

i love you baby!
KD ♥

too legit to quit

2010-02-25T14:03:00.002-05:00

I was awarded by my two lovely pumpkins Lala & Bri :]

(if you receive this award you can, (if you'd like,) put it in a post and say 2 of your favorite movies and then give it to as many people as you'd like!)

Favorite movies: of right now
- law abiding citizen
- the lovely bones

I AWARD!
jazzy
kya
lizzy
sylvia

you gotta long way to goooo.

2010-02-22T15:13:00.001-05:00

RULES:
1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.

2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.

3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.

4. Tag 6 friends.

5. Everyone tagged has to do the same thing.

6. Have Fun!

_______________

1. If someone asks "Are you okay?", you say?
LITTLE BIT - drake

2. How would you describe yourself?
FAMOUS GIRL - chris brown

3. What do you like in a guy/girl?
I DO NOT HOOK UP - kelly clarkson

4. How do you feel today?
DITTO - cassie

5. What is your life's purpose?
ONE LESS LONELY GIRL - justin bieber

6. What is your motto?
APOLOGIZE - lil wayne

7. What do your friends think of you?
NEVER TOO LATE - hedley

8. What do you think about very often?
TONIGHTS THE NIGHT - blackstreet

9. What is 2+2?
PLEASE DON'T GO - tank

10. What do you think of your best friend?
IM GONE - jay sean

11. What is your life story?
FIREFLIES - owl city

12. What do you want to be when you grow up?
STILL STANDING - monica

13. What do you think when you see the person you like?
BEDROCK - lil wayne
( i really do tho! hahaha )

14. What will you dance to at your wedding?
25 REASONS - nivea

16. What is your hobby/interest?
SINGLE LADIES - beyonce

17. Whats your biggest fear?
PIMPIN ALL OVER THE WORLD - ludacris

18. What do you want right now?
HATE THAT I LOVE YOU - rihanna

19. What do you think of your (boy/girl)friend?
QUESTIONS - tamia

20. What is your favorite song??
ONE WISH - ray j

TAG; eveeeerryone :]

she rides that **** ;) and she handles her liquor! hahaha

2010-02-21T19:56:00.008-05:00

FRIDAY NIGHT! Yes. We had no plans to go anywhere just basically me + my sister + steph = drunk times. In the house dancing to music and going on like were the hottest shit walking... you know? But around 1:00AM we got a sudden urge to go to a club well a bar ( which turned out to be like a club ) I was completely wasted so coming home to get ready was the hardest thing lol. I was stumbling everywhere and falling all over. Me drunk & tryna put on a pair of pants = NOT HAPPENING! I literally fell over like 3 times trying get them on! Anyway because we were wasted driving was no options so we hopped in a cab. Got there and there was a line up of people! The place was so packed that they weren't letting people in because they were over-capacitated! ANYWAYS for every 3 people our 1 was going in... bullshit right? But the bouncer was funny and cool and let us in because we were “pretty girls” :]. I'm not really a club or bar type person im more of a laid back house party or just chill type drinker but when we got in the music was amazing and we were just feeling it.. it coulda just been the liquor but whatever! We ended up having a big as debate about if dudes like squishy boobs or hard boobs which ended in madness! ROGER aka he's got a little retard in him ended up getting left behind by his friend ( some friend ) so all night he was like rolling with us lol which was awkward. We made friends with these 2 dudes one I already knew but the other one was tryna get my number way to hard hes all like “my names Wade you know like Dwayne Wade” lmfao! Not cute! A lot of other shit happened in between but I just cant remember it :]. lets just say next Friday a repeat!

131 / 365 *

i was being "artsy" for sugar lumpsss.

132 / 365 *

i didn't even notice the dead one! haha

133 / 365 *

memories made in the coldest winter.

134 / 365 *

kiara & jade, the loves of my life!

135 / 365 *

gotta support the canadians in the olympics.. or just love donuts :]

136 / 365 *

lights, camera, and a LITTLE just a LITTLE of ME :]

137 / 365 *

yes world, this is what liquor does to me :] i mean we all get a little crazy at times right?

Boyfriend TakeOver (My Question)

2010-02-15T13:33:00.002-05:00

Everyday,

No Matter How mad she makes me

No Matter How corny i thinks she is

No Matter How much I think shes Over reacting about shit

No Matter How much she nags about things

I always ALWAYS ask her EVERYDAY the same question

"WHY ARE YOU SO PRETTY ??"

I Love You Baby.

racing against myself but I'm a couple steps behind

2010-02-14T13:57:00.003-05:00

125 / 365 *

126 / 365 *

127 / 365 *

128 / 365 *

129 / 365 *

130 / 365 *

Today's my cousins Crystals birthday! I was planning to send her a text and call her but her random ass showed up at my house with Shawn! HAHA I look through the “peep hole” shit thingy on the door and I see fingers with smiley faces on them and OF COURSE I knew it was her because she always shows up with funky shit on her fingers! Haha it's cute though. Shes got a different face on every single finger LOL. Its her birthdaaaay! Also Happy birthday to Shadé she turned the big 23! party up girl! And take MORE than 5 shots damnit! HAHA :] suck it up for atleast tonight! Anddddddddddd the rest of you Happy Valentines Day!

diptych; two is better than one !

2010-02-14T01:15:00.000-05:00

Okay so a few of you said to keep my blog the way I have it right now including my boyfriend. I think I've come to the conclusion on what I should do FOR NOW. Alright so basically everything's gonna remain the same but there will be times were I'll be focusing on just things to do with photography. Don't be surprised if every time you visit my blog or see a new entry its filled with pictures or something about it. That's just what I'm focusing on right now mainly to get better :]. I'm doing a few photography projects like different styles of pictures taking along with different styles of editing. I've been in love with diptych photography especially when it looks so natural and looks like it's meant to be :] so of course I tried a few of my own.

Diptych photography; two photos that fit better together than they did apart. A mini story in two frames, an association, siblings, parent & child, different perspectives on the same theme, anything that works well as a team of two.

excuse the random rant.

2010-02-12T00:45:00.002-05:00

Honestly this is just a real random blog to pass the time. Im watching the new episode of Greys anatomy ( which is on commercial ) and i'm waiting for sugar lumps to get out the shower. We have a movie night planned ( The Lovely bones & The Fourth Kind ) I mean thats if he'd hurry his smelly ass up!

Here we go finally! I mean my blog of course its been in that “revamp” stage for way to long cause i had absolutely no idea what to do with it BUT here we go. I took a few of my 365 images and turned it into a header and I can say finally I'm happy with it :] ha! I have been rethinking my whole blog situation though.. its not like I wanna shut my blog down or anything because at this very moment that's the last thing I would do. I just have no clue if I should leave it the way I have it now or make it more photographyISH. Meaning posting nothing but photography and stuff along those lines. I would go the 2 blog route but I tried that before and one always got neglected so I merged them together AKA the birth of this blog. This really is a big ass dilemma for me lol honestly it may seem like a easy decision but I just don't know what to do. To keep blog the same or to “photographize” LOL :] hmmm

I've been doing a lot of what I was talking about wanting to do ( if that makes any sense ) i've gotten out and about to take more pictures and I wanted to do this for a while but I just have been feeling like shit lately and didn't have the energy in me to do so. By the way i'm loving the way the pictures are coming out pretty much amazing. My 365 is looking more “outsideISH” which is good ! Haha. The weather is real wet and messy but it's a good wet and messy! Speaking on 365 i'm looking to find more blogs who are doing the project I mean it's an amazing project and I love to see the layout of others peoples. This post is literally all over the place haha but its a good thing I guess.. I mean not really but whatever!

btwwww, formspring me !
http://www.formspring.me/amorkeys

have you ever tried sleeping with a broken heart...

2010-02-08T22:03:00.002-05:00

120 / 365 *

121 / 365 *

122 / 365 *

123 / 365 *

124 / 365 *

525, 600 minutes.

2010-02-06T17:15:00.001-05:00

How did I find the strength within me to go a full year without you by my side. How do I even find the words to explain how i'm feeling at this very moment? Because last year this day this very day you slipped away from me. It was the last day I heard your voice.. the last day I seen your face. It was the last day anything ever made sense to me. How can you THINK that by leaving me i'd be okay? I made the chose it was all my fault. I seen you hooked up to all these machines.. you were unable to breathe on your own.. you were in so much pain I had to tell them that enough was enough. But everyday I regret the decision I made. WHAT IFS cross my mind every single day. What if it was just pain temporarily? What if you could have got better but I took that chance away? I couldn't bare to see you in that pain so please understand that and forgive me if I took any chance away from you. But it haunts me everyday. People don't understand that losing your mother is the worst loss someone can face. They continuously tell me “its gonna be okay.. it'll get better over time” but no it wont. It never will. The pain will forever linger and never go away. Some days its stronger then others but its there every single day. I still feel you within me and I believe your by my side when I'm faced with tough situations. I know holding regrets is only gonna make everything worse and you shouldn't do it but I do. I regret so much! I regret having the chance to forgive you the right way. Everyone deserves seconds chances and in your case I should have known to give you as many chances as you needed because I knew the choices you made and chose to live with where gonna come back to you.

You've hurt me to a point where I was in unbearable pain from how hard I was crying to find it in me to forgive you. Like how am I suppose to feel? My whole life living with you has been nothing but pain. You chose drugs over your own daughter and left me with my father who was nothing but abusive and you KNEW IT. I grew up so fucked up with so much pain and anger within me all because you felt the need that your addiction was more important than your only child. What did I do to be pushed away? But all I ever wanted was you to love me unconditionally that's all. I never asked for anything else but to feel the love of my own mother and the only time I ever felt that was with you on your death bed. When every wrong decision you made was staring back at you.. That was the only time you understood all the wrong you have done and how much you hurt me. I remember EVERYTHING you have ever done to leave a bruise on my heart and as much as I want to just push it aside I can't.. I just can't. As sad as it is for me to say...... I would let you do it all over again just to have you in my life. I would stand on the line and let you burn me over and over again if that would mean you'd be around and not even physically in my life because you never were but just having the thought of you around is enough. I can't even write no more...

It's been a year.
You're gone and never coming back.
I love you...............

A-Z of me.

2010-02-06T01:27:00.003-05:00

tagged by lala

A - AVAILABLE: nope! madly in love.
B - BIRTHDAY: july 2nd.
C - CRUSHING ON: sugar lumps!
D - DRINK YOU LAST HAD: ginger ale.
E - EASIEST PERSON TO TALK TO: boyfraan sugar lumps! of course
F - FAVORITE SONG : too many to name
G - GUMMY BEARS OR GUMMY WORMS: wormsss
H - HOMETOWN: kingston, JAMAICA
I - IN LOVE WITH: boyfraan aka sugar lumps aka DELL.
J - JUGGLE: faaaaail.
K - KILLED SOMEONE: wouldn't you like to know ;)
L - LONGEST CAR RIDE: uhhh idk.
M- MILKSHAKE FLAVOR: vanilla
N - NUMBER OF SIBLINGS: 3 ( that i consider )
O - ONE WISH: to hug.. seee.. touch.. speak to her one last time......
P - PERSON YOU TALKED TO LAST: alisha.
R - REASON TO SMILE: boyfraaan
S - SONG YOU LAST HEARD: wait till you see my smile
T - TIME YOU WOKE UP: 915AM
U - UNDERWEAR COLOR: black
W - WORST HABIT: caring TOO much.
X - X-RAYS YOU’VE HAD: oh man.. TOO many.
Y - YOYOS: pass.
Z - ZODIAC SIGN: cancer
i tag you all :]

PS,
i added some links to the sidebar AND also i made a formspring.. late i know :] but better late then never right? anywho .. ask away!
http://www.formspring.me/amorkeys

here's to good eats

2010-02-05T11:43:00.002-05:00

I'm finally tacking my biggest problem which is eating unhealthy. Considering the fact that its so convenient to grab a burger and go or a bag of chips makes it hard especially if your always on the go. Not only from this am I feeling like shit at the end of the day with absolutely no energy but I AM gaining weight. Don't get me wrong I'm not a diet or anything like that I'm just completely changing my eating habits to feel better. I ate burger king about 2 days ago and got a touch of food poisoning I shouldn't even say a touch considering it had me hugging the toilet all night and in unbearable pain. I was recommended to drink nothing but clear fluids and when my body can handle those fine to move on to small food like bread.. rice.. etc. what else is new right? Always something going wrong ! But then again all the more reason to start my healthy shit. Anyways I went grocery shopping yesterday and spent a total of $32 but really got my moneys worth considering buying healthy is kinda expensive. I just got the basics but I'll be buying little buy little :] the main thing I'm gonna love about eating healthy is the fact that you just feel so much cleaner and better! So anyways here I goooooo! :]

[ apple juice . salad dressing .buns . pita bread . lettuce . cauliflower . pears . apples . tomatoes . carrots . cucumber . broccoli . garlic . jello . turkey meat . croutons . thin crackers . special k bars . and a roast! ]

he say i'm bad… he prolly riiiightttt.

2010-02-03T17:01:00.002-05:00

Man it doesn’t take a lot for me to become real “secluded” if that’s what you wanna call it? Its not that I sit around and try and get sympathy from people cause that’s the last thing I do but if I think you SHOULD care about how im feeling or whatever and you show no interest im not gonna sit around and beg you to do so. It should come natural. I mean when you care about someone their health and well being should be somewhat a concern of yours. But it takes NOTHING for me to just hold back from people its so easy I’ve been doing it for way to long.. and its always when you pull back is when they instantly become interested nahhh life doesn’t work like that. Heres me saying basically I’m back to my “ I need to worry about me, myself and I ” because theres no one that’s gonna care for myself like I would. I really don’t need the approval of anyone in the choices I make so regardless my nonchalant attitude is what im rolling with these days and im sure people around me have noticed. I just don’t give a fuck no more mannnn and its working!

I got real sick the past weekend and had to go to the hospital considering I kept puking. While I had to have that activated carbon because the medication I was under had a bad reaction on my body so immediate discontinued use was needed! Of course but I was in serious pain because I couldn’t take no pills :] ANYWAYS I seen my family doctor today and he gave me a referral to a specialist which I what I need to get down to the root problem. I suffer server migraines and my doctor always prescribes me medication because over the counter shit doesn’t work so here I am with T3’S hhmmm.. LOL I mean these shit have you feeling like a million bucks like your flying HIGH as hell considering the fact it has some serious codeine in it. This shit is ADDICTIVE as hell for that exact reason. Well well just say I’ll be feeling good as hell the next few weeks :] haha.

he said he's never seen someone so lost

2010-02-03T16:57:00.000-05:00

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119 / 365 *

two goals - one month :]

2010-02-03T16:00:00.004-05:00

i was tagged by my baby girl Briana for the Monthly Goal Challenge. Which is a challenge where you set 2 goals that you wish to complete by the end of the month. And you know do the whole follow up post, tag your friends.. all that jazz. Anyways this is just what I need because ei have a few things in mind that I know I need to get done but I keep putting them off because its too much at once. So heres something that’s perfect for me :]
( i tag anyone who has goals they wanna reach ! )

Goal #1: eat healthy ( like complety healthy - :[ this is gonna be hardddddddd )
Goal #2: complete my room.

Boyfriend TakeOver (Get Better Baby...)

2010-02-01T06:24:00.002-05:00

I Love You Baby...Get Better For Me Mama..When u came home i was so sleepy and you told me you werent feeling well..i woke up at 12am to your loud snoring.anyway baby get better and give me a kiss when you wake.

~022909~

that's what it's made for

2010-01-31T00:25:00.002-05:00

Today was kind of a "Keyshia-Build-It" day haha well more so take what I have and transform :] basically I’ve been tryna find what I want to do with my room for a long while. I normally go with random colours and just blend and throw shit in there BUT I’ve grown up ( just a little ) after I got my sheet set that is I love the blend of the colours. Here’s my plan my rooms being painted a light beige with an accent wall MAYBE cork board painted black if not then probably just a solid black. Problem was that my bedroom set was GREEN I know right? wtf.. Literally dark green and instead of wasting money to buy a new one I got pretty ghetto and did ………….

It came out fucking amazing! You would thing I bought it black I LOVE IT ( the gold trim is sprayed black too ) I mean $4 a can and I had to use 2 so $8 and I have transformed my shit. I still have my long dresser to do but I’m dreading it because I know it’s gonna take some serious time and coats. All I need now is to get a finished coat of uhh something? I need to ask the paint people LOL mainly to prevent scratch ya know? All in all I probably spent $10 on turning something trash into something lovely :] I’ll post pictures of the finished products whenever it’s done. I’m doing little by little so it’s gonna be a while haha :]

I was in Wal-mart today and I thought about my 365 and how I wanted an album for it. BUT I hate 3 ring albums and I hate albums that hold 3 pictures per page and have that little writing blub. I like the ones that hold 5 straight pictures but of course my luck means = walmart don’t have noooone! And I remember I had a scrapbook from a while ago.. So I bought the refill papers for it and here’s what I’ using to post my 365. Its real plain right now but I’ll be transforming it into something eye catching sooner then later. I just wanted to get it up and going.

The Boyfriend TakeOver (She Needs Me)

2010-01-30T03:58:00.002-05:00

When My Homie Kendrick Came Threw My Office a couple months ago and was explaining to me his Album and his music I Honestly Did Not expect Much...I mean Niggas come in my office every week showing me Videos and songs trying to get free clothes from me are trying to get me to do something for them reguarding my clothing line.But kendrick played this dope record that really really really made me think of my baby...like when i heard it i was in love with the record.i would walk around like "she needs me...she needs me...she needs me" mind you.. kendrick played me this record in september of 09 and his album was released jan 1st..so i kept asking him for the "she needs me record" he would just say "wait till jan i got a suprise for you"....well yesterday i wake up to a tweet from kendrick with a link to.................

I Love this video..but i love the song Because it reminds me of my baby so much like almost every word of the song reminds me of herso much...Anyway thx kendrick good lookin mah nigga !

You Can Listen to "The Kendrick Lamar LP" By Clicking The Link...Its a Real Dope Album
http://kendricklamar.bandcamp.com

PS.I Love you Baby

what i love.. in detail lol :]

2010-01-29T19:30:00.002-05:00

Honestly I never meant to turn this little 7 thing into a damn chapter book but it just so happened that way. Don’t kill me :[ but I was tagged by both Briana & Lala. Everyone I would have tagged already has been so I encourage anyone who find this interested to do it! And say I tagged you :P bwahah.

My bed; OHMYGOSH! I got this kingsize bed late last year and I have never slept better in my life. The only thing is findind sheets and shit for it considering its like $100 PLUS! Pssshh but this bed right here is the only thing I miss when im away from home. I hate the thought of sleeping anywhere but in it LOL its so sad. And I don’t think I got a day without saying “I wish I was in my bed”. Like its like my own little world look how big this baby is! AND I got cute new sheets today that I LOVE! im so over that plain white shit and orange blanket lol im a semi-big girl now :]

blog/photography; I contemplated blogging for a long while before I actually got into it and at first I wasn’t sure where to go with it more photography or ore writing but now that im in it I just blend the most. I swear blogging is a good release for anyone. Im not really a “celebrity” type blogging that most are like which gets annoying because it’s the same information seen everywhere else. I LOVE blogs that have to do with photography so I try and do things to keep my blog to what I like in hopes you’ll like it too. the feed back I get from you guys are amazing and I never knew people felt the way they did about my photography or emotions until it was displayed here. I appreciate all the love from everyone and trust me more stuff will be comine your way :]

boyfraan; my reminder that no matter what everything will be okay. THE LOVE OF MY LIFE! And then some. Literally this man is the air I breathe he has no clue ( or probably does ) just how much he means to me. Recently things have been rocky and messy but no matter what we pull through and realize that all that mess just isn’t worth what we have. We have the world in our hands babe, its me and you through it all. I mean okay sometimes well a lot of times I get mad over something little and I over react when I know I shouldn’t but its all because I love you and I wanna be perfect and everything to be perfect for us but I’ve come to realize that perfect isn’t us babe. Were one of a kind and that’s what makes our relationship survive ( doesn’t this sound like a rap or something lol ). I think hes the cutest baby there is and he thinks im the corniest person around and it works. I complete him for all the awkwardness hes missing and he completes me for all the cool points im missing LOL :] hes my sugar lumps and I’ll love him always.

baby berry; the source of my life. shes new LOL well i was in love with my old curve until she decided to act like a whore and then i swore i didnt love her but deep down inside my heart yearned for her LOL. Until I upgrade to a new bitch :] and now here’s the love of my life. She hold my music, pictures EVERYTHING. Shes an all around a bad bitch!

aunt shirley & uncle dave; recently was the year passing of my great aunt and ironically my uncle ended up in the hospital just days later. My aunt passed away due to complications of Alzheimer's. Every single day uncle dave was right by her bed side holding her hand through it all. She forget who she was, where she was from and even that she smoked (which is amazing considering the fact she was a VERY heavy smoker ), she even forgetting who her daughter was and thought she was a nurse. But uncle dave she knew was her husband for the simple fact that he didn’t let her forget that. She died known that she was loved all the way until the end. The fact that my uncles in the hospital now kills me every second just days earlier he was telling me to come over and watch dexter with him sometime I need to MAKE SURE that gets to happen. Today they got his heart stable so were praying for the best.

the kids; meet Te’jean, Kyla, Kiara, and, Jade. The evil loves of my life! These kids are amazing. The ability they have to turn tears or frowns into a smile with just a look.. its breath taking. I mean you go try and be upset around bundles of damn energy! Its impossible. And if you can do it please spend 5 minutes with these children. They are are beautiful.. loving and fun. Kiara ‘s a diva shes way to grown for her own good. Te’jeans well the only boy so hes pretty much just a boy lol. Kylas a little spoiled princess who is like the Brain on pinky and the brain and she plots evil things ALSO shes a damn bully! Jade is the baby of them all and she’s just amazing shes like the most chill baby ever. She’ll just sit and play with your hair or copy everything you do. She obsessed with shoes and looking cute haha :]. These are the kiddies who make my world go round gotta love em.

memoriess; I mean drunk memories! Haha we got real wasted one night and decided to gallivant around Toronto looking for food. We sat in my sisters car for maybe an hour contemplating if she was okay to drive LITERALLY an hour. I mean drinking and driving is a nono.. but what happens when everyones drunk? NO ONE THINKS! ( except us of course ;) ) after sitting In the car and attempting to pull off a sober car ride we called and taxi to mc donalds and right back to the car LOL. Then we put all the food on the trunk of the car and started to eat.. as you can see we ended up with a lot of food LOL :] good times man.

at least for now just keep things right on track

2010-01-27T17:26:00.000-05:00

105 / 365 *

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112 / 365 *

a photo every hour :]

2010-01-20T23:05:00.001-05:00

Elizabeth did this a few entries ago and I’ve wanted to try it since. Ill most def do it again especially if I end up going somewhere because today I was house bound! Which was fun as hell :] My day went nothing like I thought it was but it turned out amazing :] enough talking im way to tired LOL and its only 11PM! Alright here’s my day summed up by each hour :] enjoy.

8AM. Running on literally 3 hours of sleep maybe? If that. My mom woke me u letting me know that I have a a bundle of joy waiting for me.

9AM. Instant coffee was sent from the gods above. Because im completely stupid when making anything but instant! Ha and French vanilla is theee best!

10AM. my little surprise arrived! ITTY BABY! shes with me all day cause shes a sick mama :[ but she sure as hell keeps me entertained!

11AM. We started watching Alvin and the chipmunks considering she LOVES the movie! Nothing but giggles until in .2 secs she was knocked out.

12PM. SUB! Yes. I ordered a sub and it got here in like 10MINS J good shit right? I mean if you haven’t eaten mr.sub then your life is incomplete because mr.sub shitsss on subway HARD CORE.

1PM. Project 365 picture taking :] and yes this is days 105 picture too! I love it.

2PM. These horse pills have me drowsy as hell! literaly once they kick in i feel drained. SLEEP! i need you.

3PM. tweeking my layout and publishing comments. i love the support from you all

4PM. LOOK WHO SHOWED UP! kiara! fresh from after school program and ready to play lol :]

5PM. leave a camera unattended and this is the result.

6PM. she made me a millions pictures today and yes she literally colours with two markers at a time. i swear shes the best.

7PM. grandmas babys get what they wanted AKA PIZZA! these kids live for pizza no lie. im not complaining it was good as hell.

8PM. considering the kids were with me all day kiaras homework was left for me to do with her. This little girl really said "just sign it and pretend we did it" with a big cheesy smile on her face!

9PM. JENGA! with 2 kids.. bad idea LOL

10PM. me + boyfraan + bodyguard = the greatest boyfriend in the world!

11PM. im sleepy and it's been a long day lets end it with a wish :)

bitches are sad, 100 days, sleeping all day :)

2010-01-19T18:31:00.001-05:00

I finally changed up my blog :] took things away and added things. I added a little blurb for my boyfriend whom I love with all my heart! I was looking at quotes and it popped up and was completely perfect. I got sick of the two sided layout lol but mos def I’ll probably put it back up one of these days. The header is me :] isn’t it pretty? But anyways it’s 5PM and I just woke up about a hour ago and I blame it all on the medication. Whenever I take them I get instantly drowsy and end up passing out fast as hell for a long whileeee! I basically slept through the entire day including school. NOT COOL! I am feeling atleast a little bit better ever since getting the medications so I guess that’s a good thing.. Im still waiting for my xray results to come in to see if I’m 100% okay. SPEAKING on that I just got a message to call and book an appointment for my results ha.

What is it with people having it out for you? well in this case me? I consider myself a very likeable person foreals foreals but then there’s bitches from like 9th grade who were jealous of me and constantly on my ass who hold grudges to this day and ATTEMPT to make my life a living hell. I’ve been getting prank calls to my house phone for the past 2 days come to find out its this girl who’s pretty much as obsessed as her boyfriend with me. I mean your 22 years old and prank calls are still whats hot to you? basically heres the run down. I used to be friends with a few girls who were always about dudes. NOT ME. I wouldn’t chill with them when they were doing the little shit with these guys so when they got caught and I wouldn’t cover for them they got an attitude. NOT MY FAULT. Anyways then high school started and I was in a relationship with my ex and one of the girls Tamara wanted him so bad. Flash forward to now. My cousins baby moms is best friends with her so when tamara realized she now has a way to get in contact with me she used it to her advantage. Supposedly my ex is her babys father? And she thinks I care that theyre “together”. It pissed her off knowing that he was STILL tryna get me back telling me he loves me when they were suppose to be together. ANYWAYS now this tamara girl is on some little kid shit calling my house and hanging up.. talking shit about me and just being a bitch. Truly I should knock my cousins girlfriend out for being so immature and giving this hoe my number but ill ait on that until it gets unbearable for me LOL. I got in a argument with my cousin today because I told him to tell his stupid girlfriend stop playing games on my phone. All in all he didn’t know what was going on so he proceeded to get angry and yell at ME until he found out exactly what was going on and called her dumb ass out for it. Why are girls so fucking immature? I mean get over it. FUCK.

On to better things LOL im 100 days and then some in on my project 365 and I swear I remember starting just yesterday. Doing this project really makes you realize how fast time is flying. Were already a month deep in 2010. Its crazy. But I mean if doing this project feels like a chore for you.. then your not doing it right lol cause I have a million pictures a day that I have trouble finding just one to pick! Well maybes that’s just me!

100 days.

101 / 365 *

102 / 365 *

103 / 365 *

104 / 365 *

i just wanna be happpy !

2010-01-19T02:17:00.005-05:00

Rules: List ten things that makes you happy and do one of them today. Oh. And remember to link to the person who tagged you and pass this little bit of love on to 10 others.
( thanks to the lovely jasmine & elizabeth )

1. my boyfran <3
2. my babieeees.
3. dark rooms lit by candles.
4. constant picture taking.
5. being kissed :]
6. songs on repeat.
7. eaaattinnggg !
8. cooking
9. driiinkkingggg
10. watching movies.

this is to you:
elizabeth
briana
kya
jasmine
ashley
lauren
audrey
gia
jessica
adina

shawty's like a melody in my head

2010-01-18T01:28:00.004-05:00

95 / 365 *

96 / 365 *

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98 / 365 *

99 / 365 *

100 / 365 *

boyyfrraaann <3 i love you

2010-01-15T02:28:00.000-05:00

Sat up in the dark for so long
Just livin' my life on my own then
Right up out of the blue
Bumped into you
I was so amused
By your smile boo
Wanting you to call my phone
So me you can talk just a little more
I didn't know what to do I was feelin' you
Hopin' you would be cool of hangin' out too

I don't know what happened
Got people steady asking
How you go to sleep mad one day
The next wake up so happy?
*** LOVE WORKS LIKE MAGIC ***
And it's so true my mind can't grasp it
I'm just glad that I've got you in my life

* I think about us (all day)
Dream about you (always)
Love ain't always
Complicated *

If I'm loving it don't take long
People speculating that it won't last long
But that just can't be true
'cause I've been lovin' you
Like you never knew that I could do
I will never let go gotta hold on
'cause you done made me and
You a happy home
And I give all me to you, I do
Whatever you ask me too

'cause boy you're my biggest blessing
They can keep on askin'
How I go to sleep mad one day
The next wake up so happy?
Well love works like magic
And it's so true my mind can't grasp it
I'm so glad that you made me your wife, I

* I think about us (all day)
Dream about you (always)
Love ain't always
Complicated *

Boy you make me feel so beautiful
And I ain't never gonna let you go
People say this ain't how it's supposed to go
But I refuse to believe
'cause it happened to me

One day you're
Standin' in the middle of the road
And you don't know where you're goin'
All of a sudden your whole life changed
And life finally gives you somethin' back
It's been a mean world without you
Boy I love you, I love you

deckkkedd up! haha :]

2010-01-14T23:40:00.001-05:00

Well here I am 11:00PM drained like hell running a fever. I just got home and thought why not write a quick blog then just move on to my bed. I got maybe 2 hours of sleep in last night which may be another reason why im tired as hell but my sister had me up at 7:30 running some serious missions. We started by dropping the kids at daycare my niece says “I Love Woo” and it’s the most adorable thing ever and she aways giggles right after.. it’s the cutest thing ever. Minus the fact that when were in stores and she doesn’t see me she yells out “KeyTA” lol ahh I love her.

The main mission we were on today was to find a CD deck for her car. Well mission fucking accomplished we found on that’s soo cute it has like changing colours and the USB drive and we got it with a 4 year warranty and installment for $200 which is beyond good. So now we got music bumpin loud as fuck! Which is all we wanted i was tired of my sister tryna be Alicia Keys and shit … literally.

While on our mission we happened to be shopping for a bunch of shit I got a few things like the Crock-Pot aka slow cooker I’ve been wanting which is LVOE and I really thing im gonna open it and use it tmrw :] OHHHH ANDDDD I got a rice cooker. Im not a fan of rice but why not I mean that same Asian style rice you all love from that restaurant or whatever was more than likely cooked in a rice cooker! Haha it’s a great investment and I got one for $11 today for a 4 cup which is A LOT of rice. Anyways ill be experimenting with my new toys soon enough and ill show you all what I made  OHHH and I got an Airwick candle and plugin for 4$ for both like… the refills cost over $6 so I couldn’t really go wrong and who doesn’t love smell goods?

NEEEEEEEEEXT! Well I finally went to the doctor come to find out I have chronic sinusitis which is basically infected sinuses that continuously happens and its so bad that tomorrow I have to go back for an x-ray.. like for my sinuses .. YES that bad! Its insane.. you know what they say its always worst than you expect. Mhm. So anywho I’m on 2 new medications one which is pills that looks like horses take and a nasal spray. UGH. When will the madness stop!

new bitch & awardsss :]

2010-01-11T23:39:00.001-05:00

Today I woke up barely with a voice! It was so harsh and rough I couldn’t get a cough out. Doesn’t feel like im getting any better but by thrusday when I get a chance to see my doctor hopefully he cures me lol cause i finished an entire bottle of cough medicine and no good came from that! Anywayssss im about to just move on to sleeping pills LOL seriously they do the trick :]

I’ve got about 2 hours left at work and an hour of that ill do what im actually suppose to be doing LOL! Theres this new chick that started working here and I don’t get a good vibe from her. I go off the vibes I get from people and im almost never wrong. She already kicked off with this girl Michelle and already made enemies TSKTSK not a good look! Shes letting her looks get to her head considering shes like a human Barbie! Well bitchhhhhhhhhhhhh we don’t play that round here! Haha I kid. But really I really hope she doesn’t try and start with me because my cold hearted side will come out ASAP.

i got two awards :) both from lovely ladies Elizabeth, Sylvia & Bri <3 i love you mamacitaaaaas!!!!

7 confessions;
1. I drop people way too easy. Its kinda bad I could be best of friends but once you fuck me over I’ll forget you ASAP. Almost like we’ve never met.
2. I hate being judged ( although its gonna happen a lot ) I cant stand it especially if its by my loved ones.
3. Im too emotional and get way to into things that always.. always.. ALWAYS screws me in the end
4. True blood makes me want some serious rough sex … and yeah with a vampire :]
5. I wanna buy a hoodie for every single day of the year. I love them! And I love being comfy.
6. I hold grudges. PERIOD.
7. Im debating if I should move back to Jamaica… for good. I need to get away from everyone and all their bullshit.

nominates;
http://sheiswinterwest.blogspot.com/
http://beeyum.blogspot.com/
http://giabananasxxx.blogspot.com/
hhtp://eyeofthetigerphotography.blogspot.com/
http://www.briunscripted.com/
http://withlovestarz.blogspot.com/
http://everybodyluvsjessica.blogspot.com/
http://everybodyluvsjessica.blogspot.com/
http://heychickennugget.blogspot.com/
http://superduperkya.blogspot.com/

day 94, ohh and a blueish face lift !

2010-01-09T12:23:00.001-05:00

Ohhweee.. I gave my blog a very little facelift I wanna change the entire layout but I still don’t know how I want it so for now you get a little colour and a kinda new banners and some different pictures :] mmkay? I haven’t been on my whole blog roll due to the fact that once again im sick! Its quite possibly the worst sore throat I ever had yes its that bad but I’ve been downing cough syrup and non stop chloraseptic spray which numbs your mouth haha its pretty good actually.

I’m on day 94 of project 365 already. I literally remember the day I started I mean is time really going by that fast? But I LOVE that theres more of you starting the project lovelovelove. Stay with it it’ll be one of the best experiences to have and look back on. I printed about 80 something of my pictures and seeing them infront of me is amazing! I love it. I still don’t know how im gonna display them. Well I have two sets and ones going in a album but I wanted to make posters out of them and hang them on my walls but I don’t know yet ill see when I have atleast half of the project infront of me. Good luck to you guys doing it and if you miss a day or two don’t give up just get back on it!

Its Saturday but feels like a Sunday so ill probably be in the house eating and watching movies all day until night comes.. party? Maybe. I still don’t know 100% about attending the lingerie party because of some drama that went down maybe ill just go chill with my sister or something. Idk yet.

87 / 365 *

88 / 365 *

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90 / 365 *

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93 / 365 *

94 / 365 *

The Boyfriend TakeOver 2010..

2010-01-06T04:09:00.000-05:00

Baby Your sleeping right now snoring Very VERY loud..while im up enjoying my late night Sportscenter(shes not so sexy when shes sleeps...imagine a really really tiny feminine sounding motor ???)I Pulled my Macbook out and decided to leave you something short and sweet.

I Love You Baby and its been a really rough start to this Year but were gonna make it...lets make it threw January Baby.ILY

-022909-

PS.Wake me up when u come home from takng Kiki to school so i can kiss you all over *wink*

aiight im goin back to listening to you snore..

late night habits... live on!

2010-01-04T01:48:00.001-05:00

I truly believe only I can be greedy enough to cook food at 1AM seriously I made chicken tacos! I woulda made beef but chicken tastes so much better. I made them into a platter like I normally do and then you just take what you want.. you know?

They came out tasting so good of course! You can never go wrong with home made tacos. EVER

So today I didn’t end up getting the slow cooker but instead I got a computer desk hha random I know. It’s a real nice and small cute one and it was only $14 brand new and everything. Once I open it and put it together I’ll show you how it looks. For $14 it was well worth it and now I can finally get rid of this big ugly thing =]

I spent the entire day with my sister and fatty mostly at my sisters house but when we got back to my house we talked about a party because shes been wanting to have one forever and now its set officially on Saturday she’ll be having her first ever lingerie party! Lol its gonna be pretty sexy but sleezy and skanky at the same time.. you know! Cause your gonna have the girls come wearing gstrings and shit.. I was thinking what the hell would I wear but I found the perfect thing at Victoria secret and I’m in love with it

cute right?

on the bathroom floor

2010-01-03T09:36:00.000-05:00

LMAAOO! Okay it might not be that funny but wait.. is it not absolutely fabulous that I woke up but naked on my FREEZING COLD bathroom floor? I was soo trashed last night it not even funny! Bwahah we got so wasted and wound up at the bar dancing we basically took over the bar cause the dudes stopped playing their pool game to come and see what we got ;) haha Well I’m sitting here with a French vanilla feeling wide awake at least.

Starting the New Year off is fucking bullshit! Seriously! For fuck sakes seems like everywhere I turn more shit pops up and I try my best to avoid it but then something in me sets off and boom. Its over. I’m very very close to just saying fuck everybody and keep to myself that’s literally how bad it is. because when I’m own my own I’m best I swear to god I need nobody to make me feel complete cause I know in my heart I can and will NEVER EVER let myself down. But I cannot depend on anyone else and I learned that the hard way but lessons learned right? I’m on my way back to becoming that heartless little bitch who looked out for only herself and I’m loving it.

More importantly I love cooking lol random I know right? But I spent close to $200 yesterday on groceries my deep freeze is complety full almost over flowing! Purposely I did it so I can get back into cooking mode instead of always buying out and eating so unhealthy and I vowed to eat a lot better this year just for myself :]. I got a lot of running around to do today and I’m not big on rice like I prefer noodles or potatoes but I am tryna broaden my eating horizons lol so I’m gonna buy a rice cooker today haha :] it tastes best cooked in there cause it cooks right every single time! Oh and I’m gonna buy a slow cooker! Which is a blessing from that higher power! Lol its best for making roast because it cooks for a long time on a slow temperature so when it’s done its real tender and deeeelisssh!

new years.

2010-01-02T01:04:00.000-05:00

I went to the movies today which was fun I seen frog princess & avatar! Ah man avatar was so acked you would think it was the first screening or something but it was AMAZINGGGGGGGG! Like the 3D was crazy so many times I moved thinking that shit was coming straight for me haha. But everything about the movie was amazing and to find out it was written and directed by a Canadian makes it so much better! :] one of the best movies I’ve seen in a long time along with law abiding citiz ( which I will be re-watching in a few minutes ). If your looking for movies to watch thoses two are ones I HIGHLY recommend.

New years was crazy fun ( what I remember ) cause honestly I don’t remember half the night.. well more than half. I was wasted as hell. I know we hit up a couple parties, a bar, and ended up back at my sisters house. I drank way too much and ended up with a horrible hang over today haha for hours and hours but eventually it passed. Whats surprising is that I have SOO Much liquor left LOL I was gonna dirnk tonight but I had the movies plans so I’ll push that over to maybe tmrw ;) who knows.

Bri (http://www.briunscripted.com) is just starting 365 and her first picture is love ! :] I’m glad shes joining in cause the project is amazing. My project is going real good I’m gonna start posting pictures when ever I blog or when I get a chance instead of the every Wednesday thing cause I was end up pushing it off and getting everything confused. I DO need to follow more blogs that are doing 365 so if you know of any please let me know.
ps,
New years im not making any “resolutions” im just gonna do what feels right to me. But im upset that the years starting off on a bad tip already. But whatever.

85 / 365 *

86 / 365 *

Justification of an idiots actions automatically makes you an idiot.

2010-01-02T00:28:00.000-05:00

IM SO ANNOYED. I don’t have a relationship with “my father” at all in my eyes. He tries to add his little 2cents on things that go on with me but I don’t acknowledge him at all and every now and then he’ll show up with a birthday gift or some other sad piece of shit. He’s never been there for me and when he was he was abusive and I hate him as a human being and would never refer to him as a father. My family tries to say he’s blood blah blah but okay that’s all he is.. blood. He means nothing to me at all. It’s very easy for me to not care completely to disown you and not even think of you as being apart of my life. Anyways all the drama that’s happen with my brother ( stealing cars, sexual assault, drug possession, in jail, out on bail, breech of bail x4 ) time after time how dare this fucking faggot of a father tell ME that “everyone makes mistakes”. I KNOW WERE HUMAN AND WE ALL DO MAKE MISTAKES. But the kid does what he does because when he does it someone’s right there running to help him out and basically patting him on the back for his stupidity. Think about it if you were doing nothing but bad shit KNOWING that nothing will happen in the long run are you gonna stop.. No exactly.

ANYWAYS my moms real sick and my brother putting the stress on her makes everything worse. She’s not my biological mother but she is at the same time.. She is his though but does he treat her that way? Of course not. I mean you love and care for your mother who just had a stroke so much that you’re gonna break her house apart.. Call her a bitch and all the other shit and tell her how much you hate her? THEN put on tears and tell her you love her? Get the fuck outta here with that shit. I don’t buy shit from anyone if I feel you’re lying.. YOU’RE LYING simple. I refuse to sit and be disrespected by anyone.. Fuck you. ANYWAYS this fagot ass “father” decides to bail my brother out this time so now he’s living with him and he claims “he’s changed” that if people gave him a chance it would happen. HAHAHAHA fucking HA. The other day this kid decided when my sister left the car running to run and get something quick that with bother my nieces in the car he’ll try and drive it THEN told my 6 year old niece if she tells he’ll punch her in the face. But oh now he’s changed.. HAHA! Yeah right.

My sister called it quits on him and eliminated him from her life and will not allow him the see the kids which is understandable. But of course here comes the sperm donor justifying the actions of this idiot kid.. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I put my brother in the same boat as sperm donor. I have no contact with them.. I don’t speak to him. He knows nothing about my life. I don’t care about him as a person I don’t think of him as being my brother. It’s gotten to the point where I can stand and say I don’t even love him.. Harsh? Not at all.. If you were in my shoes you’d understand. When your own brother smashed your door in and busts your lip open over $5 you would do the same.

How are you as a human being so ready to justify the actions of someone like this kid? I don’t get it? This sperm donor tries to put all the blame on me every time something goes down and I just laugh now it pisses me the fuck off. Every action has a reaction if you’re so willing to act you should sit and take the reaction don’t try and blame other people to make yourself feel better.. Both of them at that part. Because he’s a fucking idiot and he’s a dead beat father.. What I say is fuck you both.

tooodles 09'

2009-12-31T10:19:00.000-05:00

It’s the end of the year so what’s more appropriate than an end of the year look back? Well I WAS gonna do that but I’d rather not sit and and reminisces on all the bad times and even good times for that matter. All I can say is that the years been a rocky one a real rocky one. With a lot of tears, smiles, break downs and memories that’ll last a life time. Although it was a year I thought I wouldn’t make it through here I am and say thank god it’s over LOL.

The main two things I do wanna talk about are the life changing moments that happened. One being the passing of my mother. Early February my mom was hospitalized and before you know it she was gone.. Just like that. While she was in the hospital I held so much anger towards her and I refused to see her. Day after day her she would continually want to see me to tell me how sorry she is for everything but still I held so much against her I wouldn’t bring myself to go. I eventually broke and ended up sleeping by her bed side many nights although I was mad I couldn’t NOT be there for the one person who needed me most. Although it weighs hard on my heart to this day I am happy that the last words she said was how much she loves me and that she was sorry. I still refuse to accept the fact that it’s going on a year of her being gone. Day by day it gets harder and harder. I love her and miss her.

Just when I thought life wasn’t worth living. I received the biggest blessing which is my boyfriend. He came at a time I needed most and he was all that I had. We grew really close to each other fast.. Well at least on my part. I instantly was attracted to the person who he was. FUNNY thing is that he was talking to me as much as he was to try and “put someone else on…” FAIL! Within the many hours we spent talking I fell in love with his conversation and pretty soon fell in love with him. I then put it ALL on the line and actually told him that I’m in love with and got REEEEJEEEECTTTEDDD BIG TIME! Ahah it was so sad I literally sat there and cried my eyes out. But I wouldn’t let it go or him for that matter. Like the person I fell in love with didn’t feel the same I couldn’t let that go and I wouldn’t. So I pushed it on him more and more until I broke down and cried and was so upset and then he came out and told me that he’s in love with me TOO. I was relived but at the same time it happened in a way where it felt like he was just saying it to make me feel better.. But that wasn’t the case. The person I now love with all my heart loves me too! And here we are almost a year in and our love is SOOOO strong it’s incredible. I love him more everyday and everything gets better everyday :] I love you pookie bookie baby!

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the man in the glass

2009-12-28T16:51:00.000-05:00

When you get what you want in your struggle for self
And the world makes you king for a day,
Just go to the mirror and look at yourself
And see what that man has to say.

For it isn’t your father or mother or wife
Whose judgment upon you must pass.
The fellow whose verdict counts most in you life
Is the one staring back from the glass.

You may be like Jack Horner and chisel a plum
And think you’re a wonderful guy.
But the man in the glass says you’re only a bum
If you can’t look him straight in the eye.

He’s the fellow to please-never mind all the rest,
For he’s with you clear to the end.
And you’ve passed your most dangerous, difficult test
If the man in the glass is your friend.

You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years
And get pats on the back as you pass.
But your final reward will be heartache and tears
If you’ve cheated the man in the glass.

- Anonymous

he loves me - he loves you not

2009-12-27T13:16:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was actually pretty interesting. Steph ended up coming over and we made potato salad haha! I’m really starting to believe that we are way to amazing for this world to handle. Any jobs we take on we kill it! Anyways so here we are watching Greys anatomy eating potato salad and my door knocks we just sit and stare at each other cause whothefuckcanitbe? So we go and answer the door and it’s a Danny who happens to be a friend from work. I told Steph about him but its her first time meeting him and this girl was like “awww he’s so fucking cute” the whole night LOL but anyways he brought me a “late” Christmas present although he already got me something. He ended up coming and chillin with us and eating our amazing potato salad this dude even brought some home he was loving it lol. It was a good night. Me + Steph + Danny & constant music and Greys anatomy episodes haha.

By the time we even bothered to look at the time it was already 3:00AM and Steph was dying to sleep so she ended up going home. Me and Danny sat there having a real intense conversation which was amazing BTW. Then he left and I went to sleep LOL :] overall it was a fun night that involved no liquor LOL.

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merrryy christmas bitches !

2009-12-26T15:01:00.000-05:00

Merry Christmas / happy holidays everyone! My Christmas was amazing. OF COURSE! I have 3 nieces and 1 nephew so Christmas isn’t about us its all about them. And of course them being my babies they get spoiled every year. My tree was FULL of presents just for them! The looks on their faces when they open them = priceless. They got everything they wanted and then some. ANYWAYSS! I got a bunch of present from people I never expected shit from. But im thankful even though I hate receiving gifts from people other them my family. I bought my mom the Elizabeth Taylors white diamond gift set ( which is her fave. ) and she opened it and cried. BOOHOO! Lol :] anyways pictures?

By the way me and my friend steph cooked turkey and it was a complete success! We’s the bommmmmmmmb! Overall Christmas was amazing like always. My younger brother ( who I completely disowned ) just got out of a detention center and hes staying with my dad. I literally have no feeling or remorse or sympathy for him. Hes an ignorant little bastard who uses people to get what he wants. He wanted to come over but I said if he comes im leaving & I didn’t even mean to turn it into something where they had to chose because I woulda felt no way in leaving. I just chose to not surround myself around people like him. Yeah he may be my brother by blood but that’s it. I feel nothing for him. Whatever though. Christmas was amazing I was drunk both nights haha BUT im still mad cause my boyfriend STILL wont talk dirty to me and that’s all I fucking want.. like what the fuck?

A bit on the TMI tip.. but who cares :]

2009-12-22T01:33:00.000-05:00

Im a freak. Plain and simple and I love sex. Who doesn’t? exactly. Anyways! Me and my sexyface have a lot of sex.. kinky sex and I make him do freaky shit to me ( when he actually does it ) it makes me mad when someones not as freaky as me LOL I know bad. But I instantly get turned off just because dude its sex! If someone wants you to slap the shit out of them and bite them just do it! Its hot. My sexyface is pretty cool though hes more go with the flow type which is good!

BUT yes there is a BUT this egotistical asshole cant do shit that isn’t “his style” which is gay yup. Like yesterday I wanted him to just talk freaky to me like literally sit there and feed me a 4 page essay on what your gonna do to me! But nooo his ego got in the way and he thought it was stupid.. which fucked with me because its what I wanted! He couldn’t wait a few mins he just wanted hands on me ! but NO I wanted you to talk dirty to me like I don’t see what so bad about that? Like is it that weird? as he says. I love that shit but him nahh his ego’s too big! HES TOO COOL FOR THAT! Tsktsk
ANDDDDDDDDDDDDD alright and I must have signed some type of slave card cause what I say can never happen. I say from behind.. he wants me on top and if it doesn’t go exactly how he says it and how he wants it WHEN HE WANTS IT.. it just wont happen! Like damn wtf? Sexyface you’re gay dude!
whats so bad about wanting someone to talk freaky to you?

49/50 mmmmmmhmm :]

2009-12-20T21:58:00.000-05:00

Lets see where can I start! Oh how about I ended with a 49/50 on my test? Yeeeeeeeeeeeees! Im beyond happy with that mark ALTHOUGH lol ( I know ) im curious to see which question I got wrong. But damn all the reading and studying I did I knew I was gonna end with a good mark. How uncool is it that I have classes until the 22nd? Very uncool and I still have some Christmas shopping left to do. I’m being cheated because I hear theres like some big storm out there in the states? And we have absolutely no snow. By now last year we were sledding everyday! Snowball fights everyday. Theres been NO snow and theres 5 days until Christmas? WTF! Automatically the absence of snow = no Christmas feeling!

I woke up around 3PM lol ( I was hung over from last night ) and got to reading and studying early and by the time I finished before taking a break it was dark and I had to turn my bedroom light on. And now I have one last chapter to read and im really putting it off BUT I have to get on that because my sexyface boyfriend wants to watch a movie and of course hes waiting on me :]. By the way im so happy with where I am right now. Everything is going so good! School is going food, me and sexy face are amazing and I love him with all my heart! And just I have no complains everything seems to be going good for me :] although I should’nt speak too soon lol

where would you wish to wake up tomorrow?

2009-12-17T16:54:00.000-05:00

my answer: in your arms babe.
where nothing hurt and everything made sense

.
.
.
.

so i ask again...
where would you wish to wake up tomorrow?

baby what hurts the most.

2009-12-16T22:51:00.000-05:00

A lots been happening lately and I’ve really been reflecting on the past year. Considering the years almost over its natural to jus think of what happened, what changed.. You know? And I have to say that the past year has been the hardest for me. My mom passed away early February and it tore me apart. Everyone told me that as times passed the pain will ease off of me but of course it’s almost a year and I hurt even more then I did then. Its not that she wasn’t absent my entire life because she left me when I was just a baby and she chose her demons over me and every day of my life I hated her for it. I blamed her for every thing that went wrong with me. But all I really wanted was for her to be there.. For her to love me. I never understood what I did for her to leave me or for her to put her demons before me. It takes away from my self worth and that’s one of the main reason I feel I’m just not good enough. You know? I wasn’t wanted by the 2 who created me so why would I feel wanted by any one else? This is the main reason why I just want to be loved. BUT the exact same reason when something happens I close up so easily and for so long. The day my mom passed away I was changed forever & I blamed myself for so long because it was up to me to pull the plug and I just cant help to think what if I waited? You never know what could have happened.

With this happening at the beginning of the year just set the bar high for nothing but pain all year.. Which was kind of true. I did end up falling in love and meeting the man of my dreams. Which I’m completely thankful and grateful for because without him I wouldn’t have had the strength to make it to this day. He’s been there to pull me out of times when I just felt like giving up and was there to give me that extra push I need to keep it moving. Even though right now everything’s a mess and nothings right I love him most of all and I always will. I could never see myself turning my back on someone who’s been nothing but a positive influence for me. I hope he knows I won’t ever stop loving him and I will never forget all that’s he’s done for me. I love you. I really wasn’t trying to turn this into a sad blog post or anything OR I wasn’t tryna point out the year cause i plan to do that closer to the new year so all I’m trying to do right now is have the last few weeks of 2009 to be good ones.. Maybe?

the past weekISH ( picture heavy )

2009-12-16T22:39:00.001-05:00

jade, kiara, & te'jean aka evil arrives!

as you can tell their innocent? riiiiiiiiight

some monster game they made up

* shitty pictures alert *

christmas concert, my cousin neisha

kiiiiiaaaaraaaaaaaaaa, the pictures came out horrible

another cousin *in the white*

more kiki of course

kiaraaaaaaaa ageeeen!

kyla being grumpy of course

jadie was the most entertaining of the night

tejean ( performance went all wrong )

i got home and of course studying it is

my baby! i got this from my uncle today.. CUTEEEE right?

and lets end the night with food. mmmm

** Alright so tonight were the kids Christmas concerts and year by year they just get worse and worse. There were hardly any songs about Christmas. The performances are put together in maybe 2 days? Its just horrible. My nephew was so upset because they piled all the kindergarten kids into ONE performance so a lot of kids you couldn’t even seen. As the performance was going parents were complaining because you have performances with 6 six on stage and then one with 42 kids? Like come on? Kiaras performance was alright they did a random song again nothing to do with Christmas and it was boring. But the kids had fun even though they were upset about it in the end. I got SOME videos since the pictures turned out soooooo horrible. The lighting was just bad. DAMN? I never knew I could complain so much about a little kids Christmas concert. SMH!

her friends and family should have taught her more about love

2009-12-15T18:12:00.000-05:00

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Boyfriend Takeover PT.5...

2009-12-15T06:33:00.000-05:00

its 3:34 Am im up bullshiting..ive watched sports Center,did homework,played madden,shadow boxed,recited Jay-z lyrics for an hour,called my mom,pretended to be a drummer,all sorts of shit While my babys been sleep.Then i sat down and just thought about how much this women means to me,like she doesnt understand how much she means to me.i have never been so open to anyone in my life..(cause im not that type of nigga) but this women has broke down all my walls and we've been threw so much together,even tho sometimes she can piss me off...at the end of the night i fall back in love with her. About a week ago i said something that promised her i would never say again and it caused lot of drama and kinda made her close up.Baby i wanna let you kno that im am truely sorry from the bottom of my heart for what i said,im sorry i just wanna make you smle mama not stress,we have been threw way to much.I just want you to open back up to me.. i hate waking to "hey" instead of "baby" i hate just having sex..i wanna make love..i wanna show you that im truely sorry...and this is te best way to let you kno its sincere.Fuck what anyone else says your the prettiest girl in the world chunky mama and I Love you come back to my arms.sorry for venting on your blog i just had to get this shit out.

~022909~

i live where the sky ends.

2009-12-12T20:49:00.000-05:00

Aaaahhhh! Okay im off that Christmas shit lol well mainly just the layout. It got old quick for me at least haha. Alright basically this is just a random post until I have an actually subject, topic, event to talk about mmkay? Well no wait I do have something to talk about. Remember that test I had yesterday? That I was all worried about and shit well it was a 2 hours test and I finished it in 30mins. Literally it was a breeze I don’t know why I stressed myself like I did honestly mannn! There where like 4 or 5 answers I had to guess cause I just didn’t know but whatever. I know most def I’ll be getting a good mark on it and I’m good with that  After all that and other shit that’s been stressing me last night I decided to get super wasted AND oh man did I succeeded haha. It was bad because I got to a point where I was so wasted I just kept drinking haha. We hooked up with an old friend of mine Natasha and heard all her crazy drama and shit which was hilarious. Me and fatty pretty much got it on at Stephs house and were going shot for shot off each other lol It was too cold for us to go anywhere ( yes its that bad ) so we pretty much turned Stephs house into a bar / club. After the shots off fatty I don’t remember anything past it lol well kinda but it’s a blur which is amazzzzzzing! Oh I remember trying to have sex but? I won’t even speak on thaaaat.

Its Saturday night and I got my 3 munchkins over (so expect a blog post about that real soon) currently they’re playing some under the covers game where someone’s a monster and they are super loud! But soon enough it’ll be bed time haha :)! They destroyed my house in every way possible with food, papers, markers, toys, clothes.. EVERYTHING! Like true monsters. Anyways I have no clue how long they’ll be here for tomorrow but I need my alone Sunday like I always have :] bet my sisters & brother are having a ball tonight!

it's wayyyy to cold :[

2009-12-10T19:31:00.000-05:00

Winter is officially in business. It started to snow but not much BUT its -6°C which would be 21°F! as you can see I am freezing my ass off currently! I went outside to run to the store which might be a 5 minutes walk when I got back in my house my fingers were numb from how cold it is. its insane! Im currently running off of maybe a 2 hour nap? I wasn’t able to sleep at all last night and around 8AM I had to go over and watch my monster baby cause she was sick. We fell asleep together after playing roll the ball? I guess you can call it? Lol but I did get her to say my name which im happy as hell about I been trying to do that since she was born ahaha :]

I’ve been studying for an hour straight and im taking a tiny break to post this blog up. I have a huge test tomorrow and im not confident in anything right now. I have no clue how im gonna do it.. wait a few vanilla caps and some red bulls should do the trick in keeping me awake cause im trying pull a SEMI all nighter just to study for this test. I need all the luck in the world with this damn thing tmrw :[ wish me luck pwesss! OH YEAH! I got my project back and I got 80% okay I know that’s a pretty god mark but the reason marks were deducted for ( references not in alphabetical order, certain parts not citied ) like are you kidding me? Seriously? there were people who got marks like 65% or even 70% and the presentations they gave were word for word from the book. UGH!
The next project we have is to attend an AA meeting ( the reason I went to one Elizabeth ;) ) and then write a reflection on it. First off let me say that attending this meeting had to be one of the most inspiring most wonderful meeting EVER! I got the honor of going on the night when it’s their candle light ceremony. They get their chips and the rooms lit by candle light and they share what they are thankful for. The room was packed with possibly over 40 peoples they shared stories of depression, loss, suicide, and change. The impact that AA has on these people are amazing I never would have thought majority of them have nothing and AA is all they count on. If the program wasn’t there a lot of them would not be living. You can feel the love within the group its just amazing. I was welcomed with open arms and they want me to come back real soon and I plan to! I know for a matter of fact the experience I had is going to make for a good paper.

We got a lot of the Christmas shopping out the way for the kids. Today a bunch of shit we ordered arrived and damn! These monsters are gonna have another amazing ass Christmas! Literally so far they all got everything they asked for and then some. Of course little ol’ me is gonna be the one suffering in the wrapping last year I had so much wrapping to do I fell asleep in the middle of it THEN had to call my sister to come help me ahah I think im gonna have to do that once again. But tmrw im doing some shopping 4sure ! haha. I love christmas as you can tell! my whole blog layout is altered for the season and i love it. "all i want for christmas is you" happens to be one of my fave. holiday songs and is on a constant rotation around this time :]

Im still going strong in 365 im what 63 days in? and still I love every last bit of it! Heres this weeks.

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basically

2009-12-07T21:37:00.000-05:00

try sleeping with a broken heart
• Im excited for tmrws AA meeting
• The AA assignment is due Thursday
• I still never got my mark back for last project.. not a good sign
• I’m taking on so much shit to help me forget whats really going on
• Its not working at all
• I have to reclean my room :[
• Caught up on maybe ¼ of the reading / note taking
• I need to buy index cards + a book light
• It snowed for the first time this winter today. It was wet snow tho
• I had to leave work earlier cause I was all upset and needed to do some homework
• I have a test on Friday that im NOT ready for
• Tuesday = AA meeting
• Wednesday = group work
• Thursday = more chirstmas shopping.
• Friday = $$$
That’s about it.

long over due post.

2009-12-07T10:50:00.000-05:00

I’m running on no sleep and its only 10AM. Clearly this means I’m gonna have to load up on red bulls and then crash after work. How am I gonna make it through class and a 7 hours work shift? MEH! Who knows. But that’s what I gotta do. I’ve kinda been MIA but no so much I was just going through a few things that had me in the slumps. I really appreciate all the love and kind words from you are cause in reality you didn’t have to reach out and show me love but you did that’s why I heart you all. I’m still feeling a bit down but I’m trying to make the best of it.. Just doing what it takes you know?
The Microsoft class I took and recently did the exam for UGH. I got my marks back and I ended the class with a 76%. I’m not happy AT ALL with that mark but there’s no make up so I guess I have to settle for it. The fact that half the shit on the exam we didn’t learn and wasn’t shit I could even figure out was the thing that fucked me up the most. She said my practical work was perfect but the exam is what got everyone…. I mean? Would you assume that YOU’VE done something wrong by not teaching what we need to know? Whatever. You need a 60% to pass and more then half the class didn’t even get that. SO I’ll take my 76% and sit with it.

I cramped my assignment in one night and today I get marks back for that ha-ha. I mean the presentation I did for it went smooth as hell but were more so marked on the written part of it all and AHHH. I noticed when it was too late how many errors I had in it. Don’t you hate that? It’s worth 10% which isn’t too bad BUT any percent I can get I need even if it is ONE! And NOW I have an assignment due the 10TH which should be pretty interesting once I get everything up and rolling.

ANYWAYS!
The past weekend was my brothers, nephews, and sisters birthday! Haha fun times. My brothers & nephew birthday we just had a little family get together with cake and music you know.. Nothing big! My brother just wanted everyone out of there so he could celebrate on his own LOL. But my sisters birthday WHOOOA! Non-stop fun.. Literally. My friend fatty came down and it’s always fun when she’s there.. A lot of it I don’t remember due to me being intoxicated and all but I know my sister had a good as time and that’s all that really matters.

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I got an award from the lovely slyvia ♥ and I cannot stress enough how important it is to read & follow her blog. She blogs about pretty much everything and anything so it’s never dull! Plus shes beautiful :] thanks for the award mama.

i nominate;
http://sheiswinterwest.blogspot.com/
http://beeyum.blogspot.com/
http://giabananasxxx.blogspot.com/
hhtp://eyeofthetigerphotography.blogspot.com/
http://www.briunscripted.com/
http://withlovestarz.blogspot.com/
http://everybodyluvsjessica.blogspot.com/
http://everybodyluvsjessica.blogspot.com/
http://digital-beauty.blogspot.com/
http://superduperkya.blogspot.com/

Oh and anyone has any blogs they recommended please feel free to post them! Thank youuuuuu :]

anybody could have told you right from the start its 'bout fall apart

2009-12-03T22:58:00.000-05:00

I’m in a trance & no matter what I can’t escape. I feel myself moving but I’m completely still. My heart is torn and my mind is else where. I never know my next move good or bad. I walk with my head so low and smile when I have to. I drink to forget and I smoke to escape. I was drunk yesterday and I’m high today. I do whatever it takes to escape reality even if just for a second. I hurt to feel good. Pain is the only feeling I know. I’m completey content with how I am right now it’s the most “alive” I felt in forever but truthfully I am dead. There’s nothing inside me. I’m so cold. I’m completely numb. Life is good.

PS.
I have no need to answer to anyone.. If you have a problem with the way I deal with myelf excuse yourself from my life. It’s just that simple.

truth.

2009-12-02T00:10:00.001-05:00

Nothing can be done against the truth
No matter how we remain in denial
wasting time.. replacing time
with each empty excuse
but that'll only work a little while
coping with despair, knowing you're not there
ashamed to just admit I've been a fool
so I blame it on the Sun & run away from everyone
hoping to escape this ridicule
trapped in misery
wrapped so miserably
in this deception that im wearing like a skin
dying to mantain
oh I keep trying to explain
A heart that never loved me to begin
oh I'm such a mess
i have no choice but to confess
That I've been desperately trying to belong
Lying to myself
snd everybody else
refusing to admit my right was wrong

christmas decorations !

2009-11-29T22:52:00.000-05:00

Christmas is literally around the corner and my family celebrates it to the MAX! ahah so this year our theme is ( gold and silver ) and our Christmas tree is so cute! But anywho me and my mom decided that were gonna make a lot of our own decorations or take simple plain ones and turn them into something nice :] anyways these are the first few we made today and I think they came out real good. here they go:

The wooden decorations came with 4 of each ( hope, joy, and noel ) for only $1! The glue was $1 and the sparkles came four in a pack for $1 so in total I spent $3 to make 12 decorations pretty good huh :]

The Boyfriend Takeover PT.4 (Its Hard To Sleep Alone)

2009-11-28T04:56:00.000-05:00

Its Late..Im Tired But i Cant sleep Because im Thinking About Her.She Made me sleep Alone to Tonight Because Of arguement after arguement these past couple of nights about me being petty.YES being very petty and being angry at her night after night for absolutely no reason.Something sooooo small can turn into something soo big with me.

Me:Baby ?
Her:*on the computer Typing and reading away*
Me:Baby ?
Her:*still on the comp typing and reading away*
Me:Baby ?.....
Her:*Still on the Comp typing and reading away....Huh Baby ?
Me:Nevermind....*silence*

A scene like that can make her angry because im angry then it can turn into a big fight about something COMPLETELY off subject of what the initial arguement was about.*if that shit makes any sense* Then i will be dead silent for the rest of the night which causes her to go to sleep alone.Almost like her man just left her there without holding her and kissing her telling her he loves her.. despite what arguement that took place.But because of some petty small shit i had a problem with, i couldnt even do that.Now stuff like that makes me feel like my stepdad with my mom..Even tho this is not as extreme...the nigga would say the most cruel hurtful things to my mother then just leave and i would watch her fall to sleep without saying a word that shit use to hurt me so bad and i would NEVER EVER do that to my girl. my girl is the most gorgeous woman i have ever seen and i love her so much and i would never hurt her,i would die for her and give my last to her.But as of lately ive just been taking alot out on her for no reason AT ALL,i dont want to be another add on to her stress i want to be her drug she comes to for that hit to escape whatever shes going threw but i was more concerned on tryna hear what i wanted to hear and if i didnt hear it i just wouldnt speak and leave her cold having to force herself to sleep.

Dear baby
You Know i have the biggest ego ever and i always feel like i have to win and i have to have the upper hands on everthing.Baby you know im a trash talker,Shit starter,Bully,Etc but mama with you im different im this soft nigga who loves you so much and i cant get enough of you,im sorry for what i said last week and annoying about that situation this week. But Baby You Can tell me anything fuck that,fuck what i said last week..and fuck that otha nigga he not a G like me...im sorry for this Horrible week and i promise you next week i will hold you kiss you and love you the the queen you are when you come from work,school,Anything.Sleeping alone sucks,but youve been doing it every night this past week because of my Negro antics and im extremely sorry for that chunky mama.I promise i will make it up to you and i kno you have every right to be mad at me.Only thing that sucks is that Mothers in town and i was telling her alot of things about this special girl i wanted her to meet and telling her all about you and you postponed talking to her.Baby that really hurt honestly..but i understand that you are very upset and dont want to talk to anyone. Anyways I Love You Baby From The Bottom Of My heart.

~022909~

PS.Im Sorry for takin up the whole damn page baby

hello world, goodnight world.

2009-11-28T02:15:00.001-05:00

49 days of 365
I’m in love with this project ( if you cant already tell ) EVERYBODY NEEDS TO DO IT! I just don’t wanna reach the point where I get tired of it lol although I don’t see that happening. But when it does PLEASE someone tell me keep going? K. good! I’m 49 days in and I think it looks b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l. I’m pretty sure I’m gonna print the pictures out month by month and either frame them or scrapbook them.. I have no clue yet.

I was gonna post about how down I am but I guess that shit gets old fast and I know no ones tryna continuously read blogs about me bitching and not doing shit to change it! I woke up maybe half and hour ago and was having a long ass text-convo with y friend and volia! of course my blackberry fucked up and deleted ALL the messages.. So much for that right? I really just need to say fuck phones and cut it off completely cause all phones.. At least with me just fuck up.. no matter what! Anyway. I tried sleeping and it didn’t help at all so now it’s 230AM and I’ll probably return to sleep right after this post I just feel like overall trash. Ugh.

School.
I walked in class not knowing if I should do the exam today or Monday but we HAD to do the practical part today which was easy as hell.. A little too easy. The written part on the other hand we had a choice of mon. or today and I figured hey.. Why not get it over with YES with the “I bet ill wish I did it Monday after this” but that shit was easy as hell. I basically shat on the whole class =]

Home.
Considering how poor our services ( internet, home phone, digital cable ) have been lately we’ve been looking to completely switch providers BUT the main problem was where we were located. Until today we got everything set up and as of December 2nd everything’s changing FINALLY. I mean .. It works if you get your moneys worth right?

~~Life.~~
Depression.

To do.
▪ My sisters bday CDS.
▪ Bday+Christmas shopping.
▪ Fix my schedule.
▪ Open a NEW bank account.
▪ Respond to work emails.
And a lot other shit. But that all can be done this weekend cause my pillow now talks. Goodbye!

so unhappy but safe as could be

2009-11-25T21:28:00.000-05:00

For as long as I can remember I’ve built up every emotion that would make me “look” or “seem” weak in any type of way. If I was feeling completely numb and almost like I couldn’t breathe I’d suck it all up hold my chin high and smile. This has always been my way of dealing with things I’d never sit there and put my heart on the line for anyone not even myself. I constantly drown myself in other things to try and take my mind of thinking or analyzing and realizing just how bad I really am. I can admit that I’ve been in denial for many years. I’m somewhat bi-polar but only I see both sides. To the world I’m a person who is happy who’s completely untouchable like I’m walking on the shoulders of a giant. But to me it’s the complete opposite I’m completely broken inside.. Bruised right down to the core. Can I really admit that? I mean I put a smile on my face everyday and face the world like everything is okay but it’s only a matter of time before I have a complete meltdown and I really believe I’m on the verge of that happening.

What do I do? I guess I have 1 of 2 things. The first one being that I can face my “problems” and deal with it all now BUT how do I face the fact that I’ve been holding in all this depression for years? I don’t see that being physically possible.. I seriously don’t. TWO I can continue doing what I’m doing now and hope that things will fade and I won’t feel the depression as much as I do.. Because don’t get me wrong there are times where I feel great but when it’s bad its real bad. ~~Almost~~ unbearable. Until I figure out what I need to do I’ll continue to push myself to do everything BUT accept what’s in front of me. If that takes doing everything and anything to drain myself until I get to the point where it hurts to think so be it. I guess that brings me back to my title: so unhappy but safe as could be.

111809-112509

2009-11-25T19:01:00.001-05:00

43 / 365 *

44 / 365 *

45 / 365 *

46 / 365 *

47 / 365 *

48 / 365 *

49 / 365 *

and...

2009-11-23T09:25:00.001-05:00

we went round for round til' we knocked love out
we were laying in the ring, not making a sound.

edit;
basically nothing big. i am mentally.. physically and most of all emotionally exhausted. i can't think straight and i think i'm ~~half~~ crazy? Today was plain and simple one of the worst days leaving me feeling soooo fucked up i don't even wanna blog about it. I'm off work in 15 minutes and i just need my bed. night.

bus hike & the good old days.

2009-11-22T19:58:00.000-05:00

Sundays are always boring I did absolute nothing but lounge around today! I was watching the news and ugh! Bus fares are going up to $3.00 ( for JUST a one way ticket ) as of January 1st which means for a months pass it’s gonna run me about $126 just when I thought $109 was too much? UMMM.. I’m way to broke to even ride the bus which is just ridiculous! Life shouldn’t be this way lol ! many people ( I should have been one of them but I didn’t think about it ) were out purchasing the tokens that are selling right now for $2.50 each and the TTC assholes did a public service announcements because of the people hoarding the tokens they’ve already lost over 1 million dollars ( in future purchases ) so they’ve immediately taken all the tokens out until January 1st and put in a temporary ticket that’s only good until the price hike.. I MEANNNN even when you find a way to try and get ahead these bitches pull you right back down LOL. The worst thing is because the TTC is such an essential service no matter what kind of price hike they pull they’ll still have million of riders a day. FUCK! Including poor broke me :[

I had an interesting 3-way conversation today! With my friend Fatty and Dre ( and it was actually civilized ) haha normally when me and Dre have a conversation its always heated and annoying but today was nothing but laughs. We basically sat on the phone reminiscing about old times and making fun of each other for the things we used to do. I swear I miss the days when we all stayed together even though sometimes it was heartaching and other times nothing but arguments the good will always outweigh the rest! Where did I go from there? I mean it was just like yesterday that we’d spend endless nights drinking and smoking and partying until we passed out on the floor. Or the times we’d play random games and tell stories until the next morning. The random missions.. Just the good old days! I want them back.. like NOW.

what applies to me bolded =]

2009-11-22T01:13:00.000-05:00

BOLD what applies to you. Once your finish tag at least 10 people to do the same.
( whoever wants to do it can )

YOURSELF - I would like to change my name. I'm loud. I'm obnoxious. I'm sarcastic. I'm cocky. I have a bad temper. For the most part, I don't like most people. I'm easy to get along with. I like to fight. I have more enemies than friends. I drink coffee. I clean my room daily. My room always looks like a tornado hit it.

APPEARANCE - I'm shorter than 5'2. I wear makeup. I wear a piece of jewelry at all times. I wear contacts. I wear/need glasses. I currently have braces. I change my hair color often. I either straighten or curl my hair often. I have piercings that aren't in my ears. My ears are pierced.

RELATIONSHIPS - I'm in love. I'm scared of being hurt. I've been hurt. An ex has physically abused me at least once. I've been cheated on in a relationship. I've told someone I loved them when I didn't. I've told someone I didn't love them when I did. I've been in love more than three times. I believe in love at first sight. I believe lust is more important than love.

FRIENDSHIPS - I've gotten a phone call in the last 24 hours from a friend. I've beaten up a friend. I've been in a serious fight with a friend. I can trust at least five people with my life. I'd give my life to save a best friend.

CLOTHES - I own a white hoodie. I own at least five pairs of jeans. I own at least ten pairs of shoes. I own a blue jacket. I own a pink jacket. I have at least five belts. I own at least three blue shirts. I own at least one pair of flip flops. I own at least two pairs of sweatpants. I've gone out in public in pajamas. I own at least three hoodies.

EXPERIENCES - I've been on a plane. I've been on a train. I've left the country. I've left the state/province. I've taken a taxi. I've taken a city bus. I've taken a school bus. I've gone bungee jumping. I've made a speech. I've been in some sort of club. I've won an award. I've spent 24 hours on the computer straight. I've been so angry I've punched a hole in the wall. I've been in a physical fight.

MUSIC - I listen to country music. I listen to pop music. I listen to rap. I listen to techno. I listen to R&B. I listen to punk. I'm one of those people who play songs repeatedly until I hate it. I hate the radio. I download music. I buy CD's.

TELEVISION - I spend at least six hours a day watching television. I watch soap operas daily. I'm in love with Days Of Our Lives. I've seen and love The OC. I've seen and like One Tree Hill. I've seen Popular. I've seen and like Everwood. I've seen and like House. I've seen and like Gilmore Girls. I've seen and liked CSI.

HAIR - I've cut my hair in the past year. I've dyed my hair in the past year. I've been blonde. I've had black. I've been red/reddish. I've been light brown. I've been orange. I've been dark brown. I've had dark purple. I've been blue/green. I've gotten my hair thinned. I use conditioner. I've used silk therapy. I've used hot oil treatments. I've completely killed my hair. I've had dreadlocks. I've curled my hair. I straightened my hair. I've ironed my hair. I've braided my hair.

SCHOOL - I've thrown something at a teacher. I've yelled at a teacher. I've been suspended. I've been sent to the principal's office. I've walked out of class. I've skipped an entire day of school. I've skipped a whole month of one certain class. I've failed a test. I've cheated on a test. I've helped someone else cheat on a test. I've failed Art. I've failed P.E. I've failed Math. I've failed Socials. I've failed Science. I've failed another class. A teacher has called my parents. I've been caught skipping. I've been on the A/B honor roll. I've been on effort honor roll.

111109 - 111809

2009-11-19T00:51:00.001-05:00

36 / 365 *

37 / 365 *

38 / 365 *

39 / 365 *

40 / 365 *

41 / 365 *

42 / 365 *

ps,
my blackberry is up and running so if you have BBM send me your pins :]

The Boyfriend TakeOver PT.3

2009-11-18T20:28:00.000-05:00

"WHEN TWO SOULS FALL IN LOVE YOU REALIZE THEY COME FROM SIMILAR BACKGROUNDS."

022909-I Love You Baby

girl, boyfriend, and best friend.

2009-11-18T12:07:00.000-05:00

There’s a girl and her boyfriend. She has a best friend who she basically considers her as her sister. Now the boyfriend begins to lie and cheat on the girl so the sister takes it upon herself to let the girl know that she deserves better and that the boyfriend is trash and she should leave him. But then it takes a turn and the girl finds out that one of the persons the boyfriend was cheating with is the best friend! Now was the best friend telling her that she deserves better and should leave him to benefit herself? So she could get closer to him? Or was she doing it as a “best friend”. In the end should the girl forgive the best friend because she’s like a sister or is she just as wrong if not MORE in the wrong than the boyfriend?

~~I was watching Maury and~~ this situation came up and I’m only writing about it because the girl forgave the best friend and called the dude trash! BUT the best friend said something like “I’m the trash you want to look through to find something good... he’s dumpster trash”. I mean I went through this situation with my ex in high school with my best friend Brianna (no... we are no longer friends). No man should ever get in between you and your best friend. Brianna betrayed me in the worst way possible and she was insane to believe that I would understand where she was coming from because to this day I still don’t. You both did the same exact thing how could you think you’re not as bad as him? You should understand that being my best friend you were WORSE... you were more in the wrong then him... at least that’s how I see it. I wish I could understand where she was coming from but I just can’t... can somebody explain?

only getting worse... or what?

2009-11-18T11:48:00.000-05:00

Last night was the worst. I literally was feeling so horrible that I forced myself to go to sleep and if that wasn’t enough I couldn’t sleep could because I couldn’t breathe! I really thought getting the medication and everything I would feel better in no time but boy was I wrong. I was suppose to return to school and work today but I cant even do that because I feel so horrible. I called hoping to get an appointment with my doctors but with the h1n1 outbreak he’s completely booked until tomorrow afternoon and he advised me not to go back until I see him tomorrow. I just hope its one of those “it gets worse before better“ type thing and not something really serious although now I’m taking pain killers because of the body aches :[. The fact that I’ve been away from school and work for a bit has me stressed because one I’m losing money and its money that I NEED very bad and two I’m gonna return to class and have to catch up on a lot of things. I need to just not stress because that also takes a toll on my body and makes me feel a lot worse!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Arg enough of that!

I’m on day 42 of my project 365 and I’m going strong! Haha. I was thinking about buying those 16x20 (or a bigger size) frames and maybe making collages out of the pictures and hanging them on my walls cause the first time I tried doing this project I had a photo wall and I’d add pictures whenever I could but this time around I’m pretty sure I’m gonna frame them I’m not 100% though. For now I’ll just print them probably every month and put them in an album until I decide exactly what it is I want to do with them. I really recommend anyone who’s into photography to do this project it makes you look at the world in a different light. I almost always look at thinks and visualize it in photograph form. PLUS it helps better your skill and you have a year to look back on :] it’s amazing.

beyonce & gaga - video phone.

2009-11-18T11:24:00.000-05:00

my opinion; there so many things wrong with this video. The hair the outfits... all of it... and the dancing is kinda like wtf? She just seems to have major twitches during the video. The whole dancing with gaga just looks a mess. I do like gaga’s hair but I think shorter looks better on her. The videos just all over the place a big mess. I don’t think there’s one part of it that I was sitting there with the :/ face on. Damn B

my baby girl.

2009-11-15T11:25:00.000-05:00

my niece Kiara aka MS DIVA! She’s my ride or die and the love of my life. Man babygirl may only be 6 years old but trust me she’s a grown lil mama. Everyone would want a lil mini me like her. She bakes cakes ( minus the oven part ) & she keeps my boyfriend in check! Making sure he don’t disrespect me ;) haha She’s the most loving and sharing little girl in the world. That’s why shes my babygirrrrlll :]

post secret.

2009-11-15T09:56:00.000-05:00

PS, My friend writes amaazing stories i HIGHLY recommend everyone to check them out. You can real feel the emotion through the lines make sure you follow him!
http://storiesofthemoment.blogspot.com/
http://storiesofthemoment.blogspot.com/
http://storiesofthemoment.blogspot.com/

H1N1, tata feeling, music confusion, and award accepting <3

2009-11-14T22:01:00.000-05:00

I take it that everyone’s been waiting for me to update them on what happened when I went to the doctors because you all love me and shit right :]. Well I went and once again had to be masked up because my cough and shit and of course my doctor comes in and does the whole examination and shit which made me think back! every time I went to my doctors and he had to check me using the sthesicope he always did it on the outside of my clothing but when I went to the walk in clinical on Monday he was all up under my shirt all over my tatas and shit… so did he cop a free feel or what? Anywaysssss. I get checked out and turns out I have a mild case of H1N1 with complications along with bronchitis and a throat infection.. figures right? the worst that can happen will! So I’m off both school and work until Wednesday in hopes I’ll be better by then. Its really taking a toll on me because my body aches are getting a lot worse and I’m always tired and when I take the medication of course it makes me even MORE tired which mean 90% of the time ( when I have the chance ) I’m sleeping.

I ended up changing my blog last week sometime I’m sure you’ve noticed its my baby all over the banner. I love him! Isn’t he just a cutie pie? But for some reason my music player isn’t working so I removed it meh. I’m slowly very slowly adding bits and piece of random shit on my blog until I’m completely happy with the outcome. Speaking on music I realized that I always LOVE songs at the wrong time. Like I love breakup songs.. heartbroken songs.. falling apart songs.. and that jazz when I’m in a relationship like now I’m obsessed with all depressing sad when I’m so in love! and whenever I’m alone and heartbroken I adore “love-y” songs.. isn’t that weird? Is it just me or what?

Sylvia created an award to show her appreciate to her followers & I think its real sweet! And the award is colorful and cute! And she gave me one :] thank youuuuuuu again! Her blog is amazing and she’s a wonderful photographer be SURE to check her out & follow her. Im of course gonna give the award out to some bloggers but I’ll do it in a later post <3

ekkk asian peepee.. not cool!

2009-11-13T12:24:00.000-05:00

Last night was crazy a lot of shit went down and nothing I regret. I’m not the fighting type but if you put me in a situation where I have to defend myself against someone I’m gonna do it and not stop. Once I’m pushed I have no limits so hit me once and I won’t just hit you once ill keep going until you can’t hit me again. Worst thing is she KNOWS this. She has always chooses to fight and argue over dudes with her own family. I mean we all know where her priorities are right? SMH it’s a shame. Anyways after the whole drama me and my sister had to run to the grocery store where I witnessed something that would scar me for life literally.. Okay so I’m returning the shopping cart to the shopping car thing a mijiggy you know.. And something caught my eye so as I’m pushing the cart to go in I turn my head sideways and what do I see? YES a lil Asian dude pumping his penis.. LITERALLY fast and hard! I almost puked on spot like I was so disgusted and what makes matter worse is he seen me and didn’t stop I guess he was too far into it? My sister drove up and died of laughing from it haha it seems we always witness Asian men’s penis. Last time it happened this Asian dude was drunk and he whipped out his penis to take a piss in the middle of no where THEN started cussing at us. LMAO my sister’s friend’s boyfriend was there so he kicked his ass but still! What is it with me always seeing Asian peepee?

week 5; 110509 - 111109

2009-11-11T23:07:00.000-05:00

29 / 365 *

30 / 365 *

31 / 365 *

32 / 365 *

33 / 365 *

34 / 365 *

35 / 365 *

it's funny how...

2009-11-11T15:54:00.000-05:00

It’s funny how hello is always accompanied with goodbye,
It’s funny how good memories can start to make you cry.
It’s funny how forever never seems to last,
it’s funny how much you’d lose if you forgot about your past.
It’s funny how friends can just leave you when you’re down,
It’s funny how when you need someone they’re never around.
It’s funny how people change and think they’re so much better,
It’s funny how many lies can be packed in one “love letter”.
It’s funny how people forgive even though they can’t forget,
It’s funny how one night can contain so much regret.
It’s funny how ironic life turns out to be,
But the funniest part of all, none of that’s funny to me.

- Gina Durst

body achessss :[ plus my phones fucked!

2009-11-11T13:04:00.000-05:00

I’m possibly the most sick I have been in a while. It got real bad that I went to a walk in clinic and had to be all masked up and shit lol . Anyways turns out I have a viral infection and got antibiotics for it. The doctor gave me amoxicillin and in three days I should start to feel better? Negative (of course) now I’m off school until Friday because of the whole H1N1 shit going around they don’t wanna take any chances and blah blah blah. It’s Wednesday and my family doctor has no open spots until Friday but what else is new? Hopefully the body pains pass but I really can’t deal with how tired I am its crazy. I get real drowsy and lightheaded and then a bunch of sharp pains rush to my head and I just need to sleep (literally sleep is all I’ve been doing).

I have no luck with phones LOL. My phone started deleting messages before I get to see them.. Not letting me answer calls etc etc. I called my phone company and they said I need a software update to fix the problem I did that and guess what? Yup my whole blackberry got wiped CLEAN. Not in a good way either I lost all numbers, pins, pictures, emails, files… EVERYTHING. They had to walk me through a reinstallation of the OS on the blackberry for it to even turn on and after 2 hours it finally worked BUT today I wake up.. There not internet browser.. I can’t open any text messages.. Everything is written in capital.. I can’t send a BBM basically the phones gone to hell ever since the upgrade. NOW today when I get the chance I’m gonna have to downgrade everything back to the original software and hope that fixes it .. If not.. idk? Until then my text msgs are piling up and BBMS are coming in and I can’t respond to any.. aint that a bitch?

weekend with the monsters !

2009-11-08T16:09:00.000-05:00

I love my babies so much! My niece came over to spend the night and I swear it was endless fun. Its funny how kids are isn’t it? How they can’t eat a Popsicle if it’s melting or won’t eat a sandwich unless it’s cut into “baby pieces” with the crust gone haha I wonder if I was this damn picky! But then it’s amazing how the most random thing could put the biggest smile on their face. I love it. We had a fun ass weekend though from endless coloring... to watchin TV & movies... to playing ispy, hide and seek & jenga to eating crazy candy and tea! Haha gotta love my monsters.

it went a little something like this

and finally

i lovesss your blog :]

2009-11-08T00:25:00.001-05:00

i love the idea of awards going around :] and they're so cute!
thanks; elizabeth & jasmine ♥

rules:
- acknowledge
- 7 facts
enjoy :]

7 things; ♥
- my URL is me&bookies love date.
- i love anything by candle light
- my name ( middle & last ) is the only thing i have of my mom.
- im a real random person
- i truly believe in karma
- im a big ass kid :] and lovvveee ittt
- my boyfraan's a dork ♥

i love their blog; ♥
http://http://superduperkya.blogspot.com/
http://supremesole.blogspot.com/
http://giabananasxxx.blogspot.com/
http://beeyum.blogspot.com/
http://letsjustflyaway.blogspot.com/
http://eyeofthetigerphotography.blogspot.com/
http://feedmekicks.blogspot.com/

self experience.

2009-11-08T00:04:00.000-05:00

It’s kinda of ridiculous that we put celebrities on such a high pedestal in our life isn’t it? I just got done watching the Rihanna interview on 20/20 and I never really followed the whole case I heard bits in piece but never took time to actually sit and listen. I was so disgusted by how many “youtubers” made videos talking about how Rihanna must have done something to push Chris……. Wait? WTF? What? I can’t grasp my fingers around ones theory…. What can a woman say or even physically do that would allow or give a man the right to beat her? That’s what I’m not understanding even if Rihanna did lay hands on Chris does that really give him the right as a man to beat until she almost passes out? In my eyes no matter what situation you’re put in as a fucking man you should never lay a finger on women. EVER. I’ve never been so angry so upset watching something in my life but I guess it’s expected considering I went through it almost my whole life. I guess it hit something deep within me that made everything flash before my eyes. In my opinion you can not relate with Rihanna or understand what decisions she’s made unless you yourself have physically gone through something similar.. You just can’t.

My very first relationship lasted way too long. He was my first everything. I was newly in high school and everyone looked at us as the “it couple” he was the typical basketball... football... rugby player and I was the “pretty popular girl”. It was like a match made in heaven. But I let him get the best of me and let him knock me down way too many times. There were times where everything was so sweet... Where he made me feel like I was the most beautiful girl in the world but then hours later made me feel like I was a piece of shit. I became accustomed to being treated the way he treated me and he became comfortable in knowing that no matter what he’d do I’d be right there for him. After endless times finding him in lies and finding out and even catching him cheat on me I stayed with him. YUP. But there were times many times more than I can even count of times I broke up with him. What made me continue to go back? I was so dependant on someone to tell me I’m beautiful and tell me they loved me that I overlooked everything else. I was yearning for love so bad that coming up with excuses for my bruises felt like nothing.. Like it was a normal thing to do. I was like this for years.. YEARS so coming from someone who was once in Rihanna's shoes its not as easy as it may look. Easier said than done is right. it may seem very logical “if he abuses you leave him.” But once you’ve invested so much time so much love into someone they become a part of you a part that you’d do anything to keep a hold off. It takes a lot to finally find the strength to walk away from it all from all you’ve known. When I finally found the strength to say goodbye it drained me emotionally and physically and took me a long while to rebuild myself to the person I am today.

happily depressed?

2009-11-05T22:30:00.000-05:00

I was taking a CPR training program and today I was certified by the heart & stroke foundation which I think is amazing. It’s not like that little hour class you do in high school it’s actually monitored and taught by the leading company in Canada. Its just crazy to think that if I ended up in a situation I now know the steps to take to save a persons life and do it right cause believe it or not you cant just dive in and save someone you can actually do more damage not knowing what your doing. That’s no problem for me now. Next week my actual classes start and they still don’t have the schedules so going in on Monday I’m gonna have to be running around tryna find out where to go ( greeeeeeaaaatttt! ) also I’m gonna HAVE to do something about work because school is going to be hectic with all the reading.. Exams.. Papers and assignments I’m gonna have to work on there’s no way coming home at 1AM I’m gonna get anything done. I have no clue how my schedule can possibly change anymore.. But meh idk.

I’ve been doing a lot to try and better myself and hold myself together and I’m actually doing pretty good. Okay I’m lying I basically find a way to drown myself in a bunch of stuff so I have no time to think about how I’m feeling inside. Which means I’m happy? Haha I mean whatever gets you through the day. I have no time to break down I have to be strong to get myself through life. I can’t put everything I need to get done on hold because I’m depressed no I can’t do that... I have to do what it takes to take my mind off it to deal with what I NEED to then maybe just maybe go back to what hurts?

Tomorrow marks 9months since my mom passed away and everything is still so fresh. I still hurt as if it just happened. I still feel the exact pains I felt when it first happened. Everyone tells me “it takes time.. You’ll get over it” but time has passed .. And I’m still the same way if not worse because having to live without knowing she’s here is the worst pain I can feel and I have to feel that every single day. Everyday I miss her more and wish that there was something else I could have done other then ...................................
Sigh.

bitches PUH-LLLLEAAAAASE.

2009-11-04T22:16:00.000-05:00

Isn’t it funny that whenever something comes up where you need advice or more times don’t even ASK for someone’s input but the person who always decides to speak up is the one person who needs to just shut the fuck up?
I mean we all have the person and in most cases we don’t say anything but everyone has limits and the more you allow the person to continue talking and adding their two cents in without saying they need to hush the more they’re gonna think its cool to do just that. What I mean is you know when your in a situation say you think your boyfriend is cheating on you and you don’t know what you should do and this person taps in and says “man I would have already left his ass long ago” .. “I’m not gonna let no man walk all over me” knowing damn well that she’s well aware of her boyfriend cheating on her and straight disrespecting her.. But wait? I thought you just said no mans gonna walk all over you? tsktsk. Isn’t it just annoying? I’ve come to realize that as females ( NOT all females because I’m not like this ) but lets say 94% females love to see them doing better then you. That you’re in a fucked up relationship and theirs is going good or what they spent was more than you. They will purposely go to the end of the world to make sure that if they are miserable your in the same boat as them ( misery loves company ) majority of the times its nothing but jealousy and jealousy can kill you. It’s such an ugly trait to have I swear.
Me and my cousin got into it today because she HAS to make sure that she adds her 2 cents in on everything going on with me. Shell sit and ask questions and questions and I know exactly what her motives are so ill play along knowing that in the end shell have nothing but negative remarks. Today she was asking about my boyfriend and let’s make it clear that she doesn’t know anything about him. The convo went something like this
Her: I was tryna call you last night but you didn’t answer
Me: yeah I was probably on the phone with my boyfran
Her: uuuuOhhh ( you know the one I’m talkin about where you can just tell she has an attitude )
Me: yeah.. I’m tryna get a hold of him right now to but his phones off.
Her: whys it off? What’s he doing? It’s the middle of the day why would his phone be off?
Me: GUY its probably dead relax.
Her: maybe he’s just ignoring your calls or he’s out doing something he shouldn’t be
Me: Nah.
Her: well you never know I’m just saying it’s the middle of the day and his phones off that’s kinda fishy
From there I was just like shut the fuck up! And I just kinda snapped and told her off. I just got sick of her tryna make something out of nothing. She was tryna go in depth into how he has some cheating scheme going on and that maybe he just says his phones dead when its really not? I mean do humans really think like she does or is she just special ED? Like I truly believe she’s the type to stay in all day and night and think of retarted situations and push them on others like she’s tryna sell her ideas. After I pretty much cussed her out she really couldn’t say anything.. Cause what does someone who says everything and anything negative have to say after they finally get called out on it? NOTHING. Exactly lol. I’m pretty much happy that I didn’t just slap the shit out of her for it cause it really was that bad.

week four; 102809 - 110409

2009-11-04T19:31:00.000-05:00

22 / 365 *

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in the past week.

2009-11-02T21:44:00.000-05:00

* Halloween was crazy fun we took the kids trick or treatin’ at first it was dead and dull but we ended up going around a place were I swear was Halloween town EVERYTHING was decorated and people were jumping out from everywhere. They had dudes driving cars yelling and scaring the shit outta me. Overall a good time. THEN me and steph got wasted and ended up going to see SAW 6.. Was it good? Id have to watch it sober we were just loud and making jokes the whole movie. Haha afterwards we went to pizza pizza and they had no fresh pizza so I ended up ordering a panzaroti which turned out to not even be fully cooked so I just got a refund left and went to a DIFFERENT pizza pizza only to have more drama occur but it was fun and a night to remember.
I went grocery shopping and got what I need to jump start this healthy eating thing. I got these shakes something like a meal replacement so considering I get sick if I eat breakfast the shakes should do me good right? :] I got this book that tracks how your progress is going and gives you tips.. tricks and ideas.

* Me and my sister went on a mini 45 min highway trip and it was crazy tryna read all those directions then we ended up having to drive through construction which left only ONE side of the street open which is stupid as hell.. we seen like 8 accidents on the way. Her best friend just bought a house so we went for a little house warming party type thing. Fun fun fun.

* I started back schooling. Waking up was actually real easy I got to sleep in extra because i didn’t have to drop my niece at school. Right now im doing first aid / CPR training which is easy as hell cause i took it because BUT you gotta update every 2 years.

* I ran into a long time friend crystal and I walked right past her not even recognizing it was her. She lost probably 80 pounds if not more and she looks amazing! I love the confidence she has it makes my heart warm and you can tell she’s crazy about the weight loss. Good for her.

A lot went down today and im still shook up from it Im really not even comfortable with talking about it so ill just leave it alone.

♥

2009-10-31T12:43:00.001-04:00

thanks elizabeth ♥! shes awarded me & im completly honored !
elizabeth is beautiful and an amazing mother, artist, photographer, and person!

To accept this award I need to name 7 things about myself that people might find interesting...here goes:

1. i was born in kingston jamaica, but raised in toronto canada ( where i live now. )
2. my mother passed away earlier this year and i don't think i'll ever heal from the pain.
3. i truly believe my mom sent my boyfriend as my angel. hes the biggest part of me.
4. my father wanted my mother to have an abortion with me.
5. photography is my way to escape, along with music.
6. im a mix of jamaican, dominican & asian.
7. i have no kids but 3 nieces & one nephew. but i wanna have two daughters and name them ( leah and laila :] )

i nominate
http://eyeofthetigerphotography.blogspot.com/
http://everybodyluvsjessica.blogspot.com/
http://www.briunscripted.com/
http://giabananasxxx.blogspot.com/
http://theclicheblogger.blogspot.com/
http://beeyum.blogspot.com/ ( shes amazing so i have to give it back ! )
http://starrlove.blogspot.com/

week three; 102209 - 102809

2009-10-28T12:05:00.000-04:00

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bet 2009 hip hop awards; my take.

2009-10-28T11:57:00.000-04:00

Last night was the BET 2009 Hip hop awards but surprisingly it wasnt as commercial as I thought it would be. Although it wasn’t anything I DIDN’T expect. I mean it was done by BET so you can’t really ask for much. The sound was way to low and the performances were real weak. It had the feel of a rehearsal and not the big show. The cyphers clearly are the reason everyone tunes in and Budden & Em killed it along with Mos def, KRS and Black thought. I won’t knock Nicki minaj because she was pretty good minus the fact she acts like a blonde so I can’t really get into her. Overall the show lasted maybe 2 hours and had its faults while others may have enjoyed it.. It wasn’t my cup of tea.

my take on the performances.
Jeezy & JayZ. jeezy opened the show performing Real as it gets. Im not a fan of jeezy so I wasn’t into it until I seen JayZ come and bless the stage. What should have been a hype performance seemed dull but none the less amazing cause it’s HOV!

Loso & the Dream. wasn’t really anything special except for the fact loso was looking so right J the dream singing live wasn’t a good look. When they went into the “remix” it seemed like it was gonna get hype but… nah.

Gucci mane & everybody & their mama. seems like he never left the stage he was on and off that shit. He gets arounddddd. I wished he & Mario performed for longer AND he was his own damn hype man for way to long.

Luda. him performing was a surprise to me and I liked it. I LOVE me some Luda and it’s about time he gets back to making some music.

Snoop dogg. I don’t know how anyone could ever not like a performance done by this man. He’s just so smooth with it. Regardless of how ass the awards was snoops dancing alone was enough for me to enjoy it.

Soulja Boy + Gucci + Shawty Low. I mean if that’s what your into it. The performance was alright I guess. Shawty low came out looking like Mary poppins and had on some cute boots :]

Dorrough. the performance was one of the best considering it had damn near everyone in it. I still have no clue who the main dude is but whateverrrr.

I missed a bunch of stuff like the Kid N Play shenanigan and a few performances but ill be sure to catch it on the re-run and maybe even let yall know how I feel about it.

4:45 okay. FOUR FUCKING FORTY FIVE.

2009-10-27T19:43:00.001-04:00

First and for most let me start by saying fuck my life AND that I have the worst luck ever. MMMK? Literally from morning I knew today was going to be a bad day. I was searching for a facial Moisturizer
For months to start using and I bought an Olay one to test out mhm okay everythings okay until this morning I wake up and literally have a bunch of welts on my face. It looked like I was bit by spiders so of course my first reaction was to wash my face and panic? Then I got sooo angry because WTF. Only this type of shit could happen to me. It start off with maybe 3 welts by the time I got back home I had about 7 all on the left side of my face. I made an appointment for 4:45PM KEYFUCKINGWORD 4:45PM and I get there right for 4:45.. okay I’m in the waiting room and 5:00 comes then 5:30 comes and I ask the bitch ass secretary if she know show much longer and this bitch says “ when your name is called.” I just looked at her in complete disgust and walked away. OKAY THEN 6:00 comes… 6:30 comes.. Let me remind you my appointment was for 4:45PM so I go back to her and she does that like “uhh” sound.. And I’m like LISTEN my appointment was for 2 hours ago and I expected to be seen TWO hours ago and she’s like well Keyshia when your name is called you will be seen... with her fucked up old bitch attitude.. I coulda spit in her face seriously.. And I told her they need to fix this shit cause its ridicuolous don’t book fucking appointments that you have a 2 hour wait for... of course she had her bitchy face on and shit but I don’t give a fuck don’t work in a office if you cant answer simple questions old hoe bag. & oh yeah I got in to be seen and was out in probably what 5MINUTES? YUP. Fucked up. THEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNN I forgot my wallet and I didn’t think anything of it cause I wasn’t tryna spend no money so OF COURSE when I went to put my prescription in one of the medications I need wasn’t covered… great huh? So now I’m minus one thing that I NEED to get better and there was no chance in me going home and getting back considering they closed in 10MINS. Can you tell I’m mad? I swear its only 7PM I know more shits gonna happen.. Just wait.

whatcha say? that you only meant well, well of course you did.

2009-10-26T14:54:00.000-04:00

I changed my layout almost completely? Well I added another bar on the right hand side I’ve been wanting to do that forevaaah! But I just couldn’t get the coding until now and volia! I’m planning on adding a bunch of shit so its still in the works just bare with me :] I went back to black and you gotta love it. I start work at 6 I really should leave this blog until then because I’ll probably be doing desk work again but meh I’ll probably just write another one later LOL. Im tryna get into blogging more and im really thinking to do more then just write like photo entries ( a day in photos ) or something cause who wants to just read read read? Mhm. Exactly. This morning I actually woke up at 7:14AM on my own ( suprislngy ) and got ready to bring my niece to school and my sister didn’t even end up going to class which fucking sucks cause I coulda slept! We met up with my brother & niece and went to do some shopping then ate taco bell. YUMMM. And that’s been my day so far I really think I should nap before going to work so im not all tired and bitchy. OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH have you seen that paranormal activity movie? Omg I watched it with my boyfriend and I was scared as shit like ALWAYS. Hiding under my blankets and stuff. At the beginning the movies real slow but by the end you ARE going to be thinking twice about your bedroom cause my ass refuses to turn my closet light off at night anymore. I’d give the movie probably a 3.5 outta 5 which isn’t that bad. On Tuesday I plan to watch saw with my sister & steph like we have for the past 5 movies and hopefully its real good. My boyfriend says ill like it and Ill take his word for it cause he knows what I like =]. But because I love the saw “series” sooo much im pretty sure ill LOVE it regardless. Enough typing picture time.

woke up to this.

she was grumpy as hell before school but you can't tell.

school timeee! all the boys are eyein babygirlll.

ITTY. i swear shes the best baby ever.

dancing to mj. biggest MJ fan EVER!

we took this fat monster with us.

man she was picking everything up JUST to mix it all up. EVIL

my lunch nomnomnom taco bella!

OHHHHHHHH YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH !

Of course seeing how I have the worst luck I finally found my PSP charger so im all hyped and charged it for a long ass time.. THEN I turn it on and see this. lifes a bitch huh!

part 2 of a fucked up night !

2009-10-26T13:30:00.000-04:00

I got all the details on my drunken night. Basically what started off good ended up with me butt ass naked. HOW? Well I will tell you. A little “get together” turned into a full blown party outta nowhere. Fatty, Steph & my sister gave me the run down on what they remember haha from the start there was a dude named Shawn? Or Sean something like that who was stalking me literally peeping around the corner and shit.. he was all pushy and demanding on tryna dance with me ( which wasn’t gonna happen ) fatty ended up getting annoyed and cussed his ass out and he tried to get brave and step to her so he had to be walked out by some dudes there LOL. ANYWAYS me & steph ended up going back to my house to get some trees and right as I get home I puke everywhereeeeee. GROSS! That passed and we went back to stephs house and again these dudes were on me.. I guess they thought because I was drunk that they were gonna get lucky? PSSSH think again. I make sure I surround myself with people who got me when I can’t handle myself. ANYWAYS it was a night of a lot of puking and a lot of dudes tryna spit game just an overall F-A-I-L ! Oh yeah and how I got naked was fatty brought me home and took me out my clothes & tried to get me to put other ones on but she said I was telling her that I have to sleep naked LOL so she tucked me in and left :] awww I love her. There you have it.. Story of my life getting wasted then never remembering it the next day.. But I promise I refuse to get this drunk again haha =]

hung over x10

2009-10-25T13:38:00.000-04:00

Currently I’m in the process of trying to puke. Literally sitting on the edge of the bathtub bent over the toilet with a cup of tea waiting for the puke. This morning I woke up at 7AM butt ass naked all cozy in my bed.. How did I get there? Only god knows. Because I have no clue how I got there. What I do remember ( which isn’t much ) is I was with my sister & fatty at a party that steph was throwing. Rewind that. Around PM my sister called e and we went to return my camera ( the broken one ). When that was done we were going to go over to that lil chiney bootleg movie place you know? The one where you get DVD quality for only $2 LOL but yeah we get there and see police like woaaah basically the place got raided AGAIN! Lol that’ll shit be back in like 4 days. I’m mad cause I’m really not tryna buy The orphan for like $23 hell no. we ended up just going to fit for life and getting chicken souvlaki wraps which are amazing & I’m craving another one right now! THEN we picked up steph& fatty and headed to the liquor store. Steph bought me this wild berry vodka cooler type thing ( biggggggggggg mistake ). It really wasn’t suppose to be a party but somehow people just kept showing up and I knew about 6 of them lol. I took about 3 shots of (southern comfort) which is real sweet so it was cool and then started drinking that cooler and SOMEHOW instead of coke I was mixing the vodka with the cooler haha suddenly I’m on the balcony and some dude who was tryna talk to me the whole time is next to me telling me how good I look and then……………. It all came out and it wouldn’t stop! I was puking all over the balcony and it was purple lmao. And that’s literally all I remember. So today waking up naked I have one question lmao wtf happened? I’ll have the answers later tonight =]

week two; 101509 - 102109

2009-10-22T14:58:00.001-04:00

8 / 365 *

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late night shifts leave me with random thoughts.

2009-10-21T22:59:00.000-04:00

My sister woke me up and dragged me on some serious missions and made me forget my damn phone! So I’m here at work phoneless doing desk work well lol kinda. I mean its 10PM and I finished what I need to do and I’m here till 2 so I got time to kill! I’ll hit you with random shit that’s on my mind. Ready?

It’s very evident that I have one of the only real guys as my boyfriend. I meannnnn! He’s everything any female would ever want! He has every characteristics of a real man and then some. So it’s a given that he makes sure that 24/8 I’m always good and happy. BUT its impossible living my life for shit not to happen to make me down/upset but I can always count on him to change all of that. I love that I have someone to turn to when the whole world turns their back on me. Thank you baby! Ily.

I finally went and straightened my whole school situation out and I re-enter on November 2nd which gives me a little over a week to just relax but after that I’m gonna take it VERY serious. Its time to get my shit together and do shit for me for once. No more just pushing everything I want aside to let someone else get there’s. I already have the first two books I need so I really don’t have to stress about paying for anything but bus fare for now... FOR NOW! I did a little shopping today for kitchen items LOL you know that slap chopper? Man that shit is the shit! If you cook a lot I recommend that. You just put whatever your tryna chop inside and slap that bitch and boom! It does all the work for you! And you know how Wal-Mart sells all that “as seen on TV” it only rand me $9.83. I ended up grabbing a dinner set & silverware set. I don’t know about you but sales are B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L

I’m proud of myself. Because yesterday I was put into a situation where normally I would blow up and shit would turn ugly quick. BUT thankfully I thought before I acted and kept to myself and now that person is paying for the consequences and I’m on the other side. It took A LOT in me to hold back from reacting but in the end everything works out how its suppose to. Isn’t it the funniest when you say something like “I can’t wait till they crash and burn.. “ or “karma will come around” and not even a few hours later that’s exactly what happens? Its just common sense treat others how you wannna be treated. Because it’s always thoses same people you come back to when you need shit.. ALWAYS.

The Boyfriend TakeOver PT.2

2009-10-19T17:07:00.000-04:00

*she doesnt Know im in her shit* Baby I just wanted to let You Know That I Love You And theres NOTHING you can do that could EVER make me change the Way I feel About you.Theres Nothing you can tell me thats gonna make me feel a different way towards you im gonna forever love you the same and treat you the same.I fell in Love with YOU so i dont care about anyone are anything else but YOU. So you dont ever have to hide anything from me anything on your mind let me know mama. ily chunky mama and when you wake up im gonna kiss you and bite your cheeks for the rest of the night and watch disney Movies with you all night.ILY baby.

I Love You...Be Strong and dont Stress chunky mama..me and Leah love you.

if it’s not your business stay out of it.. or not.

2009-10-17T01:52:00.000-04:00

I really have to get a lot of shit together. I’ve been sick so I missed a lot of work & school. Honestly with school I don’t know what it is but I’m just not feeling it. I know everyone gets this way sometimes but there are times when I’m just like whatever I’m not going. The thing that’s fucked up is I never have a valid reason? I mean I’m not giving excuses or anything I’m just simply saying I don’t wanna go. Which isn’t cutting it. I really have to make a BIG turn around and figure out what I wanna do and get to it.. this slacking off business is not getting me anywhere. Basically I have a check list of what I NEED to do and seriously I need to do it.
• Get back to school (regularly.)
• Fix my work schedule
• Eat healthy***

EAT HEALTHY! More so just to stay healthy! Damn and well I really need to lose a couple pounds... well more than a couple but whose counting? But temptation is literally all around me. If I really want something I can do it I promise it. But it’s different with eating... very different. I love healthy foods well some of them but I cant seem to put them in my daily routine. I guess because they aren’t as convenient as junk food? BUT I remember watching something (?? Idk what) and they were saying to take something you love to eat that’s not good for you and replace it with something healthy.. Umm like chips replace that with butter free pop corn or if you wanna munch on something try celery & carrot sticks. I have to make it convenient so ill be able to stick with it. I swear when I’m in my healthy mode I feel so much better. I’m not as cranky.. Not as tired.. And I just feel a lot more energetic. Man I’m GONNA do this. watch!

Now on to the real shit.

I know EVERYONE says “if it’s not your business stay out of it” cause I say it myself but at the same time I make exceptions and I happened to be in a situation where I had to make an exception. There’s this dude named Kyle and his girlfriend Amber. Kyle is 17 years old and amber is 14. They’ve been together for 2 years she trusted him even gave him her virginity ( stupid move.. but yea.) so anyways.. Recently a girl named Megan started coming around 21 years old. Knowing Kyle has a girlfriend she still proceeded to mess around with him I mean literally and felt no way about it ( trifling ass females these days). Soon enough news gets around and Amber breaks up with Kyle and she’s torn apart.. THEN Kyle and Megan becomes an ITEM.

Amber is now broken hearted.. Hurt.. Betrayed.. Lied to.. And all that
Megan is now a trifling ass lying hoe. 21 Messing with a 17 year old
And Kyle is a guy. PLAIN AND SIMPLE.

Me being the person I am I approached Megan asking her doesn’t she feeling ashamed for what she’s done? She goes on saying she didn’t know Kyle had a girl blahblah which is a LIE. She was all scared and started crying. I coulda been a complete bitch to her but I was just asking her a simple question.. I did tell her she’s a hoe if she knew and if she’s really didn’t it was all on Kyle BUT I know she knew. She’s just a trifling ass bitch lol in my eyes. I mean theses are the type of girls who fuck around with guys who have girls and then EXPECT that dude to be faithful to them.. like are you kidding me? Karma a sweet batch and she’ll feel it 10x worse than amber and then I’ll laugh :]. I really considered this being an exception for me to add my 2 cents in BECAUSE the girl is 14 years old and this piece of shit fucked her over. Such a shame. Such a shame.

100809 - 101409

2009-10-14T19:24:00.001-04:00

1 / 365 *

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7 / 365 *

you are........ NOT the father ! hahaha

2009-10-13T10:28:00.000-04:00

I mean the shows completely addictive! Right? I mean who doesn’t like watching men get caught lying? Women who don’t know who their baby daddy is? And out of control teens? EXACTLY. Is it bad that I can sit here and laugh at the expense of their “misery” lol I think not cause why else would they film it? What I never understood was does every idiot guy think they’re gonna go to the Maury show and beat the lie detector test? Or magically it’ll “not work” because they go up there and put it on their lives “I would never cheat on you.. I love you” then Maury comes with the results “Tyrone has cheated 34 times with 6 different women” LOL I mean the girl gets all shocked butttt why? You brought your man their knowing he was cheating so does it matter that he cheated with 6 men or 1? I mean he still cheated right? The number doesn’t make it ANY worse cause he STILL cheated. It just makes it sound worse. Haha isn’t it just classic when they try and say the lie detectors wrong? LOL bwaha.

& How shameful is it that you have no clue who your baby father is? I mean I applaud the very few females who go on the show because the man doesn’t believe the baby is his and ends up proving it is. BUT what is this world coming to? “I’m 99.9% sure you are my baby daddy.. It can’t be no one else” and they talk way too much shit so your like oh yeah this guys gonna look stupid! But NOPE. Turns out that same chick is the one who has to come back 4 times with 8 different dudes. What I think about is do the girls just bring every dude they sleep with? Or do they bring the ones they slept with AROUND the time they got pregnant? Cause I mean its common sense to do that … but you’ll see girls on there testing the 16th man? Wtf. Get it together ladies! Damn.

Excuse the Maury rant this shits on for 3 hours so yeah.

I’m tired of being sick! This shit is killing me :[ I can’t sleep properly and my body aches ugh. Just overall bad. But I mean I’m not the only one literally my whole family is sick INCLUDING my boyfriend. It’s the change in weather honestly mother nature needs to get her shit together one day its hot next its raining then the next day it feels like its about to snow! Yesterday I took my niece outside to do her homework which was to collect things she finds outside :/ ( I wish my homework was still like that! ) But it was FREEZING by the time we went inside our fingers were ready to just fall off. The biggest thing is my not being able to sleep I was up the other night while my boyfriend was sound asleep and I watched the whole season of Kourney & Khole take Miami ( which happens to be funny as hell! ) this was at like 4AM ! It’s ridiculous.

I’m sticking with my project 365. I took off the two pictures in the old entries cause I changed the way ill post it. I’m gonna post it week by week in one big entry! So every Wednesday will be a picture post. I’m really gonna try and stick with it because the end result is gonna be amazing. BUT its 365 days I’m on day 5 LOL I have a long long long way to go. I need to find some bloggers who are doing it too so I can have that extra inspiration? I guess you could call it. Speaking of projects! I do this A LOT but never end up sticking with it and that’s healthy eating. Man that shit is hard honestly. Especially because I love food! And majority of it is bad food! But I’m gonna do research YES research! On ways to eat healthy but taste just as good. I love salads and fruits BUT I’m not like a grab a carrot and eat it type girl lol and I really need to start doing just that. But I’m gonna do it ! yes I will! Just not yet haha actually I’m about to make cupcakes ! :] how bad is that? Lol

in any form, i’m givin’ you sweet dreams

2009-10-11T12:50:00.000-04:00

I know everyone knows how fucking fierce Rihanna is... right? I’ve never really been a fan of her music quiet honestly she annoyed the fuck out of me. Yeah there’s the odd song ( ps, I’m still not over you, cry, rehab ) that I actual like but majority of her shit is ass. But you cannot deny that this girl has come a long way from that belly top shit to being able to pull ANY look off. I swear there’s maybe 1/10 outfits of hers I can’t mess with but majority of the time the girl looks amazing. Just for that I’m really tryna give her a chance but just seeing her face makes me ugh. Gag? A little? Lol and I swear I’m slowly tryna listen to more music of hers and shit JUST for the fact that she’s fierce as hell!

Literally I’m not the type to be like “she’s ugly” damn well knowing the girl is beautiful/cute. Unlike some hating ass females! WAITTTTTTTTTTT. Don’t you hate when you’ll be with a few of your friends and a girl will walk by and she’s cute as hell looks good but the ones your with will say some fucked up shit like “she aint even cute” or “look at that weave”. And it’s ALWAYS the ones who have no right to talk! Why is that? Why cant females give other females credit where it’s due? Why hate when you know the girl looks good! They make it their mission to point out a flaw like “her left eyebrow is thinner than her right” mannn! HATER! Straight up. I guess it makes them feel better about themselves? Lol which is a shame. I mean it’s real sad when one has to TRY and put another down to feel good about them damn self!

Seeing how its Sunday and all im about to go read some post secrets which I LOVE! It is thanksgiving and Ill have a post about that later tonight or tmrw probably. its about time I do thank the selected few people who actually mean something to me :] and its crazy cause it literally is a VERY few. But it’s a plus cause i don’t keep shady people around. Im way to cut throat anyway if I feel disrespect or crossed I wont sit and take it ill make it known and make sure it don’t happen again lol.

I have the most messed up “anatomy” known to man. First off I have a irregular flow which I DO have to get checked up on I really need to get around to doing that just to make sure its not something serious. Ill have my period for maybe a week every 2-3 months? But then sometimes ill have it twice a month. But I have it very little and its never heavy but its CRAZY pains and I guess its because I don’t get it as often. The pain becomes unbearable. THEN my white blood cell count is low so when I get sick or (knock on wood) was to get a disease my cells wouldn’t be able to fight it off like the normal bodies would. Thank god I haven’t had to deal with that and I hope I never do. BUT being sick literally all the time isn’t anything good :[ I mean im sick right now lol and its hell! Cause I hardly can get a good night sleep.. this shit needs to just past.