9/15/09

on lonely nights I start to fade

Here I go again. My blog accidently got deleted so yeah I lost all my entries, pictures, followers, etc. but what the hell? A fresh start is always good. I guess it was kind of a hidden blessing because I was mad as hell! But now I get to fully commit to actually coming through with entries... right? I hope. Ill try my best to come through. Itryitry.

Depression really is getting the best of me and it’s horrible. I have no clue what to do with myself. I can’t sleep at night so I just sit and think… which is the worst thing cause it makes me remember and remembering makes me hurt. Last night my boyfriend fell asleep so I was just reading magazines and looking through old stuff. I came across this memory box filled with cards and pictures... all that good stuff. Until I came across a letter of apology from my mother when I was holding a grudge for what she’s done. It ended with

just know how much I really truly love you with all my heart


Reading this made me completely break down. How could I be so selfish at a time she was trying to reach out to me? How could I not appreciate what I had when it was there? Now she’s gone I’d give up my life to see her face one last time. I only wish the times I did have I would have used them. Instead of holding everything against her... I know she had a lot of issues and made a lot of bad decisions and put and chose a lot over me but in the end she didn’t let me forget how much she loved me.. And I failed to realize this when she was still with me…………………………. I love you.

2 comments:

  1. Wow...i'm really feeling your blog! thanks for following, i returned the favor!

    ReplyDelete
  2. :] thanks babe!
    i <3 your blog.

    ReplyDelete